requiem for a DREAM....

It was a great opportunity to prove myself, in the whole life. I have been burning mid night oil to prove myself this time. This opportunity if I prove myself this time, would let me open to my the one dream I have been dreaming from long time. This opportunity is no more than a preliminary but I am in trans because of the fret of proving my worth in this preliminary which would lead to my actual reverie which I am desperate to make it real. I was all done with my preparation for it . I lived dreaming about it, working on the dream until I was content that if I get a chance I have the worth to prove myself. I had ample occasions of breaking the ice swiftly but as the routine part of my life , I let the opportunities slip away from my hand. Encapsulating my thoughts , hard work , and passion would be a very difficult thing, in fact impossible. In fact , I am a more of a day dreamer , because I try to live life myself, my way. That is I analyze things in my way, feeling the element of success every time I get reminded of my passion.

It was the D day I have been waiting for the long time. I woke up dreaming the same dream again and again . I was content with the home work , I have done for this assignment but was feared of losing the things narrowly. This is because I have missed hell of a things narrowly. So I didn’t want to take any chance when I am so close to my dream .

I woke up with my eyes resisting a lot ,to see the world and for the day I have been dying to see. I went to wash basin , tapped and spilled the water heavily upon the face trying to throw out the every lethargy to recharge myself with complete spirit. My thoughts were completely dominated only with my dreams ,dreams and dreams, which if I do well may come out true. The vision of accomplishment was appearing in my eyes.

I took out my bike and started the engine. I was going at a brisk pace listening to my favorite tracks on a rush road. I was 4 to 5 miles short of my destination. I looked at the watch and felt that I was getting late. I accelerated the bike to around 90 kmph , while in the middle of the road , there was a boy of around ten with some wrappers in his hand. I tried to avoid the boy off from my vehicle , but I was too fast to avoid him.I gushed the bike into the boy and couldn’t help out. I felt very much gulity .The boy was bleeding profusely and I hadto decide between my dreams and the boy’s faith , both of which were completely in my hand. I just gave a thought and decided to take the boy to the hospital. I took the side of humanity in front of insanity, that is my long lived dream. The boy got heavy wounds on the leg and was bleeding profusely. I took him to the nearby multi specialty hospital.The doctor was treating the boy and I decided to take the boy along to his home.

I was a bit grim for losing over my dream.I had prepared for it from the past one year and I couldn't show up this year.But there was a feeling of satisfaction as I was doing some good instead of it.The boy regained normalcy by the next two days.

I had a nice chit chat with the boy. His father was a local farmer and he committed suicide last year because of the unpaid debts. His mother makes some local munchies , which the boy sells to make both the ends meet. By the time he told about himself and his family , we reached his home.It was a small space roofed with plastic sheets and the space was just enough for three people to sit up. After listening to them , I came back home at around 8 in the evening.Some of the thoughts of them were undigestable.I was thinking about them the whole night , instead of thinking about my dream which I do very often.

It’s a vicious cycle. A boy goes to vernacular school because his father is a farmer and can not afford expensive English school for his son. Then his son is not allowed to write the final exams because of school fees which remains unpaid due to bad crop this year and due unseasonal rains because of global warming. The farmer is under 3 lacs debt and finds it impossible to make ends meet, thankfully he has a bottle of pesticide which he drinks due to helplessness and government ‘s mismanagement of funds. He dies, his son now is a school dropout but he cant follow his father’s profession because there is no money to restart all over again nor can he end his life like his father because who would look after his mother and 4 young siblings.

The mother makes good local snacks so he somehow manages to borrow few hundreds and asks his mother to make snacks like khakra, chakli, namakpaare etc, which he carries every morning and sells door to door in the city but hardly any one buys it. It not hygienic nor does it have any of those fancy packing. He one day goes to this girl’s house in the city who like the other munchies and refuses to buy it because she prefers “Lays” potato chips over “khakras”. She works in a call centre, speaks English, earns 20 thousand a month and feels proud to be a part of “India Poised, India Shining, India Rising” She feels proud because she is a part of this young and happening crowd of India’s “Generation Next” . She earns for the Americans and then she spends her money on Lays, Coke, Nike shoes and Swiss Spas. Her mom any way has to cook dinner because even if she also is a part of “India Shining”, she at the end of the day has to cook dinner for a family of 4 no matter how tired she is, the dinner must be served hot and fresh. So she goes to the vegetable market and thinks of going to this vegetable selling lady who happens to be the farmer’s widow (the widow decided to sell vegetables like potato, green chili, lemon, ginger etc to support the family after her husband committed hara kiri) . But the lady on her way to this vegetable selling lady happens to see a new super market which claims to sell everything under one roof at a very affordable price. And it looks posh also. So she changes her direction towards that super market leaving this widow vegetable seller waiting for another customer who would prefer to buy vegetables and other groceries as it used to be in the olden days.

This super market is an American chain and looks stylish. People are flocking it because end of the day a wife still has to cook and clean after the board meeting is over. The hard earned money of their husbands are spent on these super markets and the American owner thanks Indian middle class for their generosity for making this American owner more rich.

In the mean time the American super market owner with money earned from Indian middle class tells the Indian Government that it wants to open more retail chains. So the Government which has been elected only by 50% of Indians by will and rest 50% by booth capturing and not elected by people who think voting is a waste of time, election day is a holiday so might as well go for a picnic, who work in call centre and do not get time off to cast vote and the call centre cabbies who have to drop the staff to the company (so many votes wasted) . So this Government procures land in the name of SEZ and retail boom and development and gives it to this American owner at a very affordable price. This land is procured from farmers by making false promises to them, because in any case the farmer would eventually commit suicide and the sons would sell silly stuffs like khakra and not use the farm land to make a living. The widow would need a hospital when she would grow old and frail but there would be no hospital because the land has been given to someone else in the name of “Development”. The boy now would need night shelter to spend chilly nights because he had to sell his house also, but there would be none available, no “anganwadi” available for his young siblings also. There would no free schools also because all land has been given away for making roads to accommodate more cars, more malls, parking spaces, amusement parks, call centers etc. But what to do life goes on, so this boy gets married like the so many out there, have children like the so many out there but where would all the children live? They need houses. So lets cut the forests and cover the sea to make way for our houses and get land and more vacant land. So the tiger dies, the cattle survives and eats more and more grass lands making it bald, barren and lose. So next year of “India Shining”, people die due to land slide, commit suicide because of unseasonal rains and floods, famine, droughts. But the super market building does not crumble due to any of these natural invited calamities as it is made of stuff which are made in Japan. But the American owner decides to try some other market because people here are no longer spending and making him rich since they are more busy settling their lives after all these disasters. So the retail shop, call centre closes down, people lose jobs and the government does not have enough grains in the grainery to feed the hungry because the farmers who were the “Annadatas” had committed suicide long before and their sons dread to continue the same profession.

I was completely disturbed in my thoughts .When would the India really move forward ? When would the disparity end between rich& poor? When would the social barriers in this society die? To me, there is only one solution to this long running problem……

THE YOUTH……….

They have the potential to knock out the problems India has been facing.

LOSE YOURSELF............

Hunger , this word can have plethora of contexts ,but to me, hunger reminds me of a small boy striving hard all the day on the street for a few alms so that he can have his poor appetite once in the whole day . Hunger is the greatest cause for death in the world. About 7000 people die everyday of hunger in the world. For every five minutes, a child below 5 yrs, dies because of hunger.

India is a great country and is growing most rapidly after china in the world. Its GDP is growing by almost 9 to 10 percent a year. This really shows greatness on the part of India and India is been considered along with US and brazil as the most prosperous countries. But are we really moving forward in this race. Is the growth we are talking about is reaching to the abject and miserable to whom its impossible to have a meal a day. I am really poor at stats, but to my knowledge, India has one of the lowest per capita income in the world after Africa’s most unluckiest nations like malwia and Bolivia. India has the highest number of people below the poverty level. India is one of the nations in the world with highest amount of corruption. According to a survey conducted in the western countries, India is most threatened place to live in after Pakistan .India being one of the largest agri countires has one of the lowest growth in it.

India has an epic history of producing world’s greatest protagonists like mahatma Gandhi , world’s richest business tycoons like suneel mittal , great brains like ramanujan , C.V .Raman .We had and have everything what a developed nation needs , but to me the effort is in vain because we are not striving hard enough towards the solution of the problem. The solution lies in the hands of the people, but they are in real deep slumber .

Why are we so busy with ourselves and our problems .Why are we living life to the fullest when there is a hell of problems present , which we need to empathize upon and work in its direction towards its progress. Why are people so particular about their particular things when there are lot of other things to visualize and think over them.

We need to wake from up from our deep slumber .We need to visualize our dreams , and work on them. we need be visionary and should work to be a winner.The thought process of the people should shift from particularity to universality.This is because the real pleasure of life is, when your thoughts run for people and their welfare.The fame you attain by doing good to people motivates you to work persistently for them.

In the recent movie ‘GURU” ,a good movie after a long time, one song captivated me , but I want to modify its lyrics a bit.I didnt like the idea of the song. The lyrics of that song again motivates to a deep slumber and dream. In fact it should inspire to wake up from the sleep . Have dreams , visualize them, and work over them. Dreaming again and again would give nothing, until we work towards it.

Jaage rahenge der tak, kuch soye huve ko jagaane dho,

Thodi si neendh kaafi hain, kuch der aur jaan lagaane dho,

Aadhe adhure kwabh jo pure na ho sake,

Un kwabhon ko hakeekath mein badalne dho.

PS: The first and second para of the post have no relations directly , but i wanted to express over the biggest problem being faced.The subject of my post shifting from particularity to universality.hopin this crap to recieve token of appreciation.

JUNK TO MONK & THEORY OF INFINITISM

Do we really need a particular day to convey our thoughts or our thought process to a girl. Do a particular day is biased than any other day for conveying over your EDISONS BULB .I don’t think so. Wht really matters is appropriate substantiation of your thought process which is very rare .The plethora of thoughts is really worthless if it is completely on the analyzing side and not on experimental side.

you should have experienced junk to be a monk.

That is you must have tasted the bad along with good to justify which is good and why .The terminologies, what , why , how , when ,who are explainable only when you know what is wrong and for what is it wrong.

Is there anything like someone is made for you. Do people go for chance rather than choice in the life. Seeing life from a broader perspective would give the generalized solutions but its difficult to reach a particular solution through generalized solutions and its what we are trying for and dying for.

getting particular to generalized in your thought process makes you feel that you are going mature and sensible. Getting generalized to particular is being hasty and shows your desperateness upon something. It shows a mode of transformation in your thought process.This also shows a sign of you, suffering in the future.

Everything on this world is made of two counter flippant sides, just like the two flip sides of a coin. One side completely counter of the other, one side completely unaware of the other, one side completely unknown and irrelative of the other, one side completely independent of the other side, but these two things in together make infinity,. these two unaware and independent sides make out the things complete ,these two elements in together make out the universal set, this seems so amusing.

The scientists are on search for the universal theory which can explain behind the every human thought , every human emotion, every fiction, every fact, every law.
I really wonder can one universal theory can complete justify or substantiate everything on this world, the way everything is made, the way everything can be made, the way everything can be created, the way everything can be supported, the way everything can be destroyed , but I still strongly believe, there exists such unique theory which can completely reason out all the cases.

I think karl max’s Das capital, Darwin’s Theory of evolution and hellen keller's MY LIFE which deal with most of the subjects fairly , philosophically and psychologically , if get united do have the potential of bringing out the universal theory –Theory of infinity. The theory of infinitism , the universal theory will be able to explain the every human emotion in its own way, defining over the every odd human emotion in the way we want it to be.

Sometimes I wonder is everything that happening around are mutually exclusive events or independent events and the conclusion I have reached upon is everything is related , that is ,all events are dependent on the success of relying event. The events are inter dependent and the success of one event relies on the success of the dependent event which in itself explains that everything in this world is made of two counter flippant sides and those two sides in together make out the universal set but the problem lies here is , the probability of success is always very less,most of the times tending to zero.

Such a low probability event makes the life more a struggle than a cake walk. Life is no way a cake walk. Its our struggle for making the interdependent events successful, in order to make our one successful.

The other way of percepting is an analogy.

Life seems to be a struggle between fantasy and reality .The more we try to be in the fantasy world, the more it pushes or drags us to the unpleasant reality. But we want to be a part of this sucking struggle saga of reality and make this reality transform into the fantasy we desire to.

Considering reality our event and the fantasy , the event whom success we are relying upon. As the counter independent event is fantasy, its almost very low chance of getting it happened and we found ourselves struggling between fantasy and reality.

Living life to the fullest in itself seems to be the most banal and hackneyed cliche .There is nothing like living life to the fullest. You just seem to extract something satisfactory out of the nothing. Analyzing the life with perspective is much more than living the life. Analyzing life seems to be a practical expression with a sprinkles of living life.

Analyzing over things is really enjoyable than living life, because , while analyzing we think the things our way and hence feel the element of success .

Based on my observation and analysis I have made till now , I have framed laws which are completely crap and are based on the experience till now.

Law of Transformation: The Transformation in human thinking can be categorized two ways and the following deductions can be made depending upon the mode of thinking he delves into.

If his thinking transforms from generalization to specific, he gonna face the bad music..The journey ahead wouldn’t be a cake walk.

If his thinking transforms from specific to general, he is learning from his mistakes,he is thinking good, thinking well enough matured, or at least seeming to think matured.

When you are in a real strong dilemma or trilemma [:)] and you need to make a decision(sometimes you are not required to make a decision though ), just close up your eyes and think about the thing you are striving for.Assert over the thing and decide , are you really deperate about the thing you are striving for.Think it in the long term sense and decide upon over the things and forget it .Dont make your mind think about it again and again.its because repititive thinking of it would not anything better .

finally i want to convey that improvement in the thought process is required to make ourselves better over things .To analyze over things well to live life and lead life successfully.

PS: Its been really long to get done with the blog.I actually merged two different subjects into a single post.One thing i have found through this post is , i have found myself contradicting over my things and supporting at the very next time.Agaian a dilemma[:D].Hope my crap philosophy would recieve a token of appreciation.

EMOTIONAL FOOLS (this is for u [:[)] )

DUMB & NUMB

Perturbed by the emotions,

Confused by the notations,

Lost in the deep jungle of imagination,

I am still striving for my conviction,

Without checking over the complications,

Leaving me with no options,

And kill out my navigations.

Everything is going above head,

Nothing is going the way, its said,

Everything is seeming so odd,

There is nothing to which I can hold,

I think I am living dead.

Everything is on the air,

There are many things I should do, alas, I cant dare,

Everything seems so distant , nothing is near,

bring me to life , oh dear,

I don’t have the liberty to cry a river.

PS : this seems so funny and hilarious. I tried to crap a poem and this turned out to be a complete kindergarten school " RHYMING POEM " . anyhow..done wid my poem, so its your turn to bear it now.I think i can coin a new word which you gonna sense and feel after seeing my blog regularly "BLOGOPHOBIA". [:D]

Kith & Kin.....

Sometimes when we look back over the relations ,relations we are in, relations we expect to happen, relations we expect to blossom, relations we want to fade out(there are some things we want to escape from) , relations which fade out with time ,without our control though we don’t want them to fade out , relations we expect to go on as the life goes on. Of all the relations, we expect some of them to be special. Its human's most common trait. He is expected to do crazy odd things otherwise he wouldn’t be called human. We try to seek intimacy from fairer sex but most of the times, things go in vain leaving us frustrated. The human mindset is such that, though things are difficult and impossible to him, the things seem to be easy and moderately difficult to him. He doesn’t tend to give up till he completely drowns into the whirl giving him no chance to come out , drowning him completely into the deep depths.. The analyzing part of his , tries to, make him new experiments everyday. Not everyone, but some of his analyzing experiments get launched. The imaginary illusionary fantasy part of his awakes and gives rise to different products in his mind besides some useful by products.

Each relationship has a time frame, which might had been decided before hand or decided by the situations the relationship grows/ falls into. Usually, the time frame is till the purpose has been served to either one or both the individuals involved in the relationship. But there are some relationships which don’t stand for a purpose. There are some relations which have no purpose element at the backdrop. It has affection, care, love and pamper element.In this relation, there is just the affection and love element and there's no more added element involved in this kind of relations. Relation between a parent and child, relation between siblings, relation between a happy couple , relation between best friends do stand on as examples for this kind of relations.

The everything you try to involve in , may be a relationship, a thing for which you are really desperate of, any attempt for a big achievement for which you are desperate in your life, its Only when you realize the reason behind your want, which shows your desperateness to achieve it. The stronger your reason to achieve the desired thing, the more desperate you are to achieve it.

Of all the relations , the purest is between a mother and child. the tenderness , the purity ,the insanity which exists between a mother for his/her child cannot be observed anywhere. Just observe the affection of a mother when the child is ill or been hurt. The worry element on her shows the extent and degree of the motherness. The care of her on the child is heavenly ,In fact defining the motherness and the mother’s affection in a single word wouldn’t be possible. motherness is the quality of a goddess which tries to fulfill every wish or boon of the child ,though the wish is impossible to fulfill for her.

The next comes , the relationship between a father and the child. The father tries to be the guide of the child till the end of the journey ,chiding him sometimes to resist him from going into the wrong paths, helping him sometimes in the difficulties ,inspiring him sometimes. He is the caretaker of the child’s career , the guiding hand. Though sometimes the form of relationship differs from a father & daughter and a father & son , but at the end the things are very close to differentiate.

The relationship between siblings is one of its kind. They fight, laugh, talk ,share secrets which cannot be shared with parents (sometimes some thoughts cannot be revealed to parents). There is a lot of friendship element in the siblings relation. The transparency appears so well in the relation. The chemistry between them is really amazing.

Though being in such a hearty relations, the male element still strives for the female element(sometimes the flip side of it also happens), and the transformation in his thinking can be noticed. Even the transformation in his thoughts and thinking follows a particular law which hasn’t been discovered yet. (I am in serious search and research for that law, so that to find it out and grab the Nobel ) The possessiveness and intimacy towards the counterpart increases exponentially. Then the actual drama begins. The law is – the mindset of the male fraction complete depends on the response of female fraction towards him and the reaction of her towards him proportionately and exponentially influences the mindset of male fraction after the response. The half life concept is also applicable to this poor guy. The decay of him is directly proportional to the amount of alcohol he consumes. [:D]

If the result is at least partially affirmative , the amount of time he wastes doing crap is really a fast and high going skyscraper with respect to time.…similar to the curve of a fast growing software MNC like GOOGLE or YAHOO. The heart starts taking control on him leaving the poor brain behind.

In fact every common guy wants heart to rule over rather than the intelligent mind or brain. We tend to give a little soft corner to heart rather than brain. May be this is because heart makes us to do what we like without applying any logistics , reasoning and all, rather like brain which tends to do everything logically. Just like in a theory, where in there are ideal and practical cases, Heart can be attributed to ideal case, we love to follow them , but in most of the cases they don’t happen. At the maximum, the result tends to be maximized( near ideal)giving optimized efficiency. On the other side, the thoughts of mind are practical, can be applied and can give you results when applied with brain, reasoning etc. Still we go with heart rather than with mind. Poor mind always turns up on the loosing lonely side when compared to heart.

This experience ( the whirl he had fallen in) if stays for a long time, post effect teaches him to be practical and logical(after the failure) .This way the things go on. Therefore, We should try to analyze and introspect over the things once in a while , but repeated analyzing makes us confused ( more than we actually are) and frustrated. Just try to live the life and introspect it once in a while. Have one or two friends who can bear you and hear you[:)] till the end of the journey. Relations have a lot of significance in the aftermath , so try to keep the relations as healthy as possible.

Finally, Just live the life, if you are feared to analyze it.

JUST............ LIVE LIFE,STOP ANALYZING.

PS:Thoughts flowing in mind.These thoughts are post CAT .Any kind of regret or gloomy element in me makes to blog.Actually when things are gloomy , you do only two B's. The first is blogging and second is......(You might have guessed) .These are really great remedies to vent out your crap. Thoughts iterating in the mind again and again but no solution to these thoughts even after infinite iterations.Have a number of hopes and aspirations but donno know when gotta have them fulfilled. I wish, i have a TIME MACHINE so that i can discern my future and try to have control on it instead of analyzing the future.(:D)

CONCEAL to CONSOLATION

She looks damn pretty when she makes dumb face gesturing with hands, biting her lips trying to explain that she has no idea of the thing, she is being asked. She is really my life. The oxygen. I just cannot imagine my life without her. I cannot forget all the dreams I have of her. I cannot forget all the moments I have spent with her. The walks in the rain, the coffees with her, the time with her in the college, in the canteens, where I ,having a romantic and flirty conversation with her, and then the entire tone was perturbed by my friends who just don’t have any other work except wasting time hanging at canteens disturbing people cracking their so called jokes(they are completely in humorous and 100% injurious), the movies I went along with her(I am so unlucky that they didn’t left us here too, making my life miserable, though she was comfortable to their jokes, I was getting irritated to the highest degree biting my teeth plotting to kill one of them, so that I can get my privacy back), the jaunts to temple along with her(I am a complete atheist and she is completely my contrary, the great god believer I suppose on this earth, in fact , if God prioritizes a boon according to the piousness, I bet she may top the list) , the long chats with her at night where I used to ring her up every night. I am really poor at remembering dates and numbers(I have forgotten some very important birthdays), but the moment I was in love with her, I used to remember the time ,date, and the number of times we met at a particular place .(the analysis of these things shows, how crap you become when you fall in love).I used to watch the astrology everyday on television, used to read astrology in the newspaper, and used to do every crap possible which makes me, think of me along with her. The moment I think of her, it made me remember of some number which had the crappiest significance.

It was the fare well day where I almost confessed my concealed thoughts, kudos to the little amount of vodka , which tried to kill the coward in me and give birth to a valiant chap. All the things went well , and when it was my turn to the get on to the podium, I with my dancing legs(of the vodka),stand still on the stage, tried to bring out my emotions, but seeing the whole crowd in front of me , I went numb. I saw her giving a kind of blush( Omen :) ) , but feared of the negative consequences(which I cannot digest) , I got zipped completely.

I regretted like hell for not expressing my feelings. Its been two years now and we are in two completely different places, million miles apart. I , doing my masters in science at harvards while she was doing her masters in business administration at IIM-Lucknow. The things are very comforted now ,chaps to the networking world which made the things so easier, so easier to vent out the emotions, frustrations , thoughts, dreams, desires and…..

She was really passionate about becoming an entrepreneur , that too in FMCG sector. I remember , I used to banter " you look more a saleswoman than an entrepreneur". I loved the way she gets angry on me when I say this. I called her ." I am coming next week", ms. Saleswoman. This time she didn’t got angry and instead was jumping with joy .

I had many candle light dinners and dates, they seem so common in US, while this was certainly special to both of us.(at least for me). The ambiance was just perfect to settle in. The light was just perfect, provided along with enough privacy(I was happy of the privacy as I don’t used to get privacy with her that easily :D ).We talked long, very long. We talked about our college days, friends, her parents, about her masters, about my masters. In short , past, present and the future. Now we are about to end up with each other in a month. We are getting tied into the so called social custom called nuptials(marriage) and are really keyed up to push our plans.

We planned for a get together with our friends during graduation , we throwed a party together, and we all people met discussing the crap ,the things we are up to, the shit things we have done till now .I am gonna party later in the night along with my friends, venting my emotions , post vodka( :) ).

That’s the end of the long boring story.

Moral :

Its actually complete fiction but still tries to throw some moral, so catch it. Be patient enough to convey your thoughts .You would get enough chances to convey them , but conveying them at the right time is important. Both of the persons should be in an intimate relation, where the words should not play a major role the tacit ness should itself becomes a language to communicate, you will understand everything of each other so well, and the implications itself would suggest you of the further future consequences.

PS; All the characters in this post are imaginary and any resemblance with anybody is purely co-incidential.( :) ).I couldn’t found a better theme and so compromised to a routine love story. Hope , my attempt is at least satisfactory.

ANGEL................

your love is like a star,
shining in my heart,
lightening up my life, its true, girlll,
i never felt this way before,
i keep want it more and more,
what would life be, without you girl.


you shown me the love i have never seen,
you like an angel in my sweetest dream,
you have given me my world,
i couldnt find you out, my girl,
iam not able to see anything real,
i know,no love would love this.


oh my, oh my ,
i never wanna say you goodbye
how much you mean to me,
i realize, i realize.
come babe, baby come close,
i may never gonna let you go,
how much you mean to me, do you knowwwwwww...


you have shown me the love i have never seen
you like an angel in my sweetest dream,
you have given me my world,
i couldnt find you out , my girl,
iam not able to see anything real,
i know,no love would love this.


you are the girl i have been living for,
i dont want to lose anything more,
just be my life and bear me once more,
so that i can repent for all, i have been regretting for.......................






PS: when you are real confused to do something, the poetic hormone(if it exists)
in you makes you to write complete crap. I couldnt convey the thoughts and emotions in right proportion, but wanted to put it over here,so bear this.Sometimes you find it difficult to choose between choice by chance or chance by choice and then things will......(lite le lol).I will wind up here,dont want to irritate and confuse you much more than you already are... :)

THE YOUNG GUNS OF INDIA

Things are going real fast and the competition among the things is getting stiffer and stiffer. People are striving for the best of the things available and are trying to be the best. All this shows that people are getting real smart and sensible and are trying to reach to the Pinnacle in the field they are striving for. The generation present seems to be a lot more sensible and smart than the past generations. The COMPROMISE element is no where visible in the present generation which is a good sign showing their undying determination.

In this run to reach the best, the people are running off from the morals and ethics. Money, vitamin-m , is being considered the supreme power. People are trying all the good and bad means to accomplish the desired thing without the consideration of morals , ethics and values. Love is getting defined only in the lust sense, and the compassion is losing value in this edition of the present world. The definition of mankind is being manipulated .

Its not like that things are going completely wrong but things can be done much better than they are now. The younger generation really has that potential to set the things right , but they are getting off track because of the illusions which give short term pleasure. They should think of the things at a much larger scale, which is probably missing.

The outcomes of the things should be considered at a bigger scale with broad mindedness. The aftermath element should be taken into the consideration for the things you do. Compassion should be treated the ultimate religion. Religion has nothing to with caste and creeds, the bloody barriers, but this term is of much higher plane. Learning up from life and thinking reasonably and logically, helping people, being compassionate is the Universal religion.

The youth now if they don’t get deviated by the fantasies can really show there bang and eradicate the problems we are facing.. Poverty, hunger , ill health, corruption are the root causes which are backing us from being developed. Every doctor has the potential of exterminating the problem of ill health. every rich enterpreneur can take a hand in solving the problem of poverty.we should get concious of the most common thing that every IAS officer has the potential of controlling the factor of corruption. Every minister has the capability of controlling these problems. But the bigger problem is , we are not striving hard enough to get rid of these devil factors. Instead we are getting corrupted and contributing to the make the solution for this problem complex and difficult.

If we really work from heart hard enough , these problems really don’t require any five year plans and all, allotting them a specific budget.

Ultimately working hard with compassion is the mantra to be followed to make this world much more beautiful and livelier place to live in..

PS: i know i really go nuts when i try to crap something senssible or something which requires sense...par kya karoon...aadat se mazboor hoon.....

on a more serious note, i think the young guns of inida should really show their guts and leave their footprints behind...........

HALF TO COMPLETE...........

I am almost half dead.

The thoughts were still bogging in my mind and I was still in complete shock . Why did the things went so wrong .Where did it went wrong. In fact I was questioning myself with all the different kind of pronouns (why, where , how , what etc.). It was two in the late night and I was along with my friends. I was really sad and was really feeling to cry and bring out my pain and sorrow that time but seeing that there is no one who can really understand my pain, I just kept on filling my void with the alcohol. I was really crying inside but couldn’t let out my pain. I was feeling like an Adam without any Eve or a soul without any companion of an intimate soul, desiring to burst out my emotions. people all around me were dancing with joy , while I was in no mood to celebrate my trounce over there.

I was in confused state of mind. Mind and heart were really going abnormal, so I thought of taking a wise decision of keeping my thoughts aside for a while and celebrate along with my friends. The alcohol took control in the case of rohit and was making him dance upside down and he tumbled awkwardly falling on his face.

I was virtually dying for a cigarette .I opened the cigarette pack, but there was not even a single one in it. I had an impression that fagging makes you think more, better and wise. I went out for cigarettes with my friend on my motorcycle. While akshay was driving, my mind was trying to process out the algorithm of the scenario, from the start till the end to bring out the loopholes .I couldn’t find anything but was still trying to find out something of the nothing. Akshay killed the engine and we were again with our great buddies- vodka and cigarette.

Now the alcohol was taking control on me too and I instantly picked up my mobile and dialed the most dialed number on my mobile. It was ringing loud but there was no response. I got reminded of the past where we used to talk about the language of souls and omen and used to say to each other that if one really thinks of someone from heart, the person on the other side will respond instantly .

At that instant, I really felt, there cannot be a much bigger toxin than our past itself, there cannot be a bigger devil, bigger enemy than our bloody past. It tortures you the every present minute of yours making your life miserable. I sent her a 3 or 4 short messages conveying my deep thoughts clearly. It wasn’t me actually. The alcohol inside me was trying to be my helping hand but the crap non-living thing really didn’t had any idea of the fatal outcome which was about to come.

Time got 2 in the afternoon the next day and I was in a hang over. I was feeling a strong hammer being hit on my head sporadically. I tried to find out my mobile and I saw an sms which blew me completely. Anshita committed suicide. My whole world shattered into pieces. I went out to her home and saw her corpse lying down. I just couldn’t make out what to do and tears rolled down my cheeks. I came out in a short while and I tried to find out the reasons of her giving life imprisonment to me. Asha, whom I knew quite well , the closest pal of Anshitha came to me and handed over her suicidal letter.

She commited suicide because she was not able to decide between her parents and me. Her parents actually warned her of me and I, the stupid was upset of her because she was not intimate to me from past few days .She could not handle the pressure of her parents and at the same time was feeling guilty for not responding to my constant calls, meetings. Her parents actually emotionally blackmailed her saying they would eventually commit suicide if she doesn’t listens to them. My poor Anshitha crumbled to these circumstances and gave me enough pain( than it was yesterday) to live the whole life thinking, listening, feeling, crying dying her. Now I am complete dead.

PS: i was actually thinking of giving my try on a tragical love story.i felt writing it after seeing a friends blog...... .I had no idea of the theme but things got formed as i started crapping in.I started at 1.30 and now its 3.3o. I hope my attempt is atleast satisfactory.

waiting for the comments for my first tragic attempt to a tragical lav story.

CAT-- ER--PILLAR

Hmmmmm
what to say,exactly one year back I was one of the frantic aspirants of CAT….joined the coaching ,did all the loudening,full hyped,just similar to the celebration festives that happens to a scapegoat.

--------------------------------------CAT-05--------------------------------------------------------

I woke up quite early today at around 5.00 . I struggled to get out of the chains of laziness , i guess with the strange gestures of mine. I was waiting for the newspaper boy to deliver the paper. The newspaper guy hasn’t arrived yet, so tried to check over the last two or three days back newspaper. I saw a cat paper model in education plus column.I tried to solve one or two problems feeling that this would give me a warm up to the exam. I solved a passage, 3 or 4 quants, and a DI set if I can remember. Time was around 6.30 now , and the newspaper arrived .I saw an article regarding cat,1.75 lacs people writing cat hoping for the creamy pays any guy would dream to. I closed the column after reading a bit of it and started looking over metro plus and page-3.Things were boring there , so stopped reading newspaper and started listening to some soothing linkin park tracks and A R Rahmans.

Time was getting 7 now and so i had a shower and had an ok kinda breakfast .The time was 8 and as my conveyance was sucking bloody APSRTC bus, so went out to bus stop by 8.2o, and caught the bus.A kind of funny incident happened over there. A serious aspirant of CAT met me over there. He was damn nervous just like a nerd on the first eve of his marriage. His legs were shaking .He was infact pronouncing his centre instead of saying his destination. Poor guy. I Had an ok kind of tete-a-tete with him and by then I was at my cat centre at around 9.20 and there were till some 10 minutes left . I had some tittle-tattle with my seniors over there.

I went to the hall to face the music of the most talked, most hyped exam that is the DEVIL CAT. I entered my room and checked over my place. As the instructions were about to be delivered ,i noticed that there was angel kind of girl sitting in parallel to me ,the next bench, just next to me. The exam started and I did some quant of around 40 minutes. Though I had no idea of the pattern , I noticed three sections been given , so allotted 40 minutes to each section. As I felt that ,quant was my strong section, i started over doing the quant sums.I was feeling damn lazy. I did sum 40 odd minutes of quant and next tried to attempt an RC passage.I was held back by the acts of the angel like gal sitting behind me. Her beautiful hair were repeatedly falling over her ear and she was trying to put them back, sometimes with her hand and sometimes with a hairband. She wasn’t doing the test seriously(I felt it after , she wasting around 10 minutes for setting up her hair )I was distracted and started noticing her cute acts and by then I already wasted 10 minutes looking at her. After it , I started looking over the passage and everything was going way above my head and and even the pronouns in the passage were difficult to grasp. I attempted 2 or 3 questions for the sake, though not being sure for any of them.I attempted some jumbled sentences,and then attempted a 1 marker set in DI and a 2 mark set. The test got done and in short time , announcement of leaving the hall took place.

I was in a hurry and was trying hard to look for the angel . Alas I missed her and couldnt found her any where. I gave a thought to the things for around 2 minutes and then told to me...LITE LE LOL…….

Post cat; attempted 31 questions worth 42 marks, Scored a good percentile of 96 in maths ,70 in DI and a filthy 33 in EU/RC.(L), missed the angelL :( :(

PS: Done with my semester exams and the management entrances , and now being completely at leisure, its making me, pen over the every crap.I must say you should crap everything that comes to your mind, cos

1. you may forget the precious things and moments, if you dont crap all the things, which you may regret a lot.
   
2. It improves your analyzing habit(its my opinion completely)
   
3. Its fun..LOL...passing your time when you are completely unoccupied.

mohandas ARVIND KUMAR gandhi.........MY EXPERIMENTS WID LYFE :) :D

Things gonna got to say this way,

this would be, yeah , my day,

all I got to do is , give a real good shot

strike the iron while its real hot.

This time , things gonna be my way,

the day coming ahead would be my day,

i really want to crack a big jackpot,

but that should come to me ,

deciding that do I deserve it or not.

Life is a chain of complexities,

with constantly changing priorities,

with a lot of adversities,

but don’t look it that way,

see life as an undying insanity,

see it wid enough clarity

to rid off all the complexity,

and improve its quality.

Life is about applying your philosophy,

its about finding your ecstasy,

its about looking for your intimacy,

so think well in the life,

to LIVE LIFE KING SIZE.

PS :my second bad attempt to crap something poetic. still it needs to be edited .Lot of editing left still.But felt like publishing it first and editing it on the improvisation of my thoughts :)

CONFESSION -- a preconceived notion

We generally confess our guilts expecting certain outcome from the other side.We think logically of the outcome and then to gain that outcome we tend to confess the guilts.This is not a confession but clever estimation of the things to gain the ball in our court..Confession in true sense is accepting the guilts without thinking of the outcome , being innocently honest.Then the true sense of CONFESSION is accomplished.



Some times i really wonder....are we truthful to ourselves atleast or we are just boosting over the things to show that we are super sensible.The things we think and the actions we perform have a kinematic link between them with degree of freedom three[:D](even i couldnt understand the logic for degree of freedom)
Thought and action are two very similar things.....the difference between them is we tend to back up from our thought by illusion or some other means where as there is no room or chance for us to escape from action. Thought can be said as immediate present and the action its very immediate future.So we should think sensible enough to make that action count or else...the outcome is crappy unproductive act.This reminds me of the punchline of WIPRO.... applying thought.So we should apply over the thoughts and make those thoughts into a productive act.
We should not back up from our thought if we are really determined for it.

THINK THE THING YOU THINK,
TILL THE MIND BLINK.

We should be passionate enough to show our madness towards it.Consistency and hardwork is the key to carve your path to success.Have someone your idol and put up a consistent efffort to work like him.(not being like him).
Keep having a constant source of inspiration and motivation.


for all your days prepare,
and meet them ever alike,
when you are the anvil,bear;
when you are the hammer,strike

Just wait for the right opportunity to come and give your best shot to it.GIVE UR BEST SHOT...ELSE DESTINY DECIDES...This again reminds me one of my all time favourite song...eminem's ......LOSE YOURSELF...

one shot , do not miss the chance to blow,
oppurtunity comes, once in a lifetime,you better know.



but even after giving your best shot, you couldnt get any near to it , then the best thing to do is....follow the hungry fox principle,THE GRAPES ARE SOUR.There is nothing wrong in accepting your defeat or mistakes.I say acceptance make you feel guilt and this makes you overcome that mistake desperately.
you need to have atleast two lifetime friends(besides your parents and the better half) who are ready to bear you till the end of the journey.
I know that iam very bad at doing or preaching good,but still wanted to bring out some of my crappy thoughts.There are still a lot of crappy thoughts running in my mind....kicking me to convert them into unproductive acts, but kudos to me, iam still holding strong enough to bind my unproductive crappy thoughts in the vestegial part of my brain(donno where is the vestigial area of brain....instead i think whole of my brain is vestigial ) [:D] .I Still want to hold my thoughts long enough and vent them out when the right time comes..
If you are lucky enough to find your intimacy and acquaintance element in the early stage of your life, the probabilities of you making big are really high.To me,
------------------------LIFE IS A COM-PROMISE---------------------------------
compromise doesnt mean getting adjusted to things,but this word has much more meaning.Etymologically,COM means together and promise is keeping of a word.Being so close or having so much affinity to share ur close things.So COM-PROMISE is being together,living together developing affinity towards each other.It shows getting together,developing the affinity element with time.It is being intimate,having the tacit chemistry where you can understand everything of your mate without any involvement of the verbal part.So keep looking for that intimate element in your life.
I want to make my life count and that too on a big(real big) platform.Lets see if life permits me to come out with flying colours.
This post might be a bit boring...but iam really convinced for substantiating(CONFESSING) my crappy thoughts over here..So i think now the title is justified, Dont you?
..............................KEEP LIVING LIFE, STOP ANALYZING.............................................adios[:)]

COMPLICATED......... my crap in poetic form......:)

Sometimes the things in life go so complex.....and bizzare.....that you tend to..... stop thinking productive....and you will think just crappy.In this poem,iam trying to express frustation in a poetic or ballad form.This poem kind of thing is little bit inspired from the GOD looking gal ...Avril lavigne . She really rocks....great singer.....wid great looks nd great attitude....this poem tries to explain the frustation of a boy for a gal ........





i look, but you dont look at me,
i like, but you dont like me,
all things are going so dizzy,
thoughts are going so crappy,
why do all the things in the life get so complicated,
she is like an oscar where i dont get nominated,


my thoughts all over for you,
my life just made for you,
these thoughts are making me so frustated,
why do all the things in the life get so complicated,

iam going just mad for you,
i say i cant live without you,
i know all this is foolish,
but still cant get out of it,
your image is making me so captivated,
why do all the things in the life get so complicated...................


I have tried all kind of stuff,
i have tried smoking
i have even tried boozing,
but nothing makes me as wild as you make me addicted,
why do all the things in the life get so complicated,







This is my first silly attempt to write silly thoughts in a poetic fashion. I know it sounds so childish but still wanted to bring out a very very poor poet in me.... i know i am not gonna get any compliments for this, so waiting for hard crtitcs to comment on this poor stuff....... c ya.........

A Lav triangle, splitted at every angle.....

The boy was completely new to the place....far....very far from the place…where his home used to be.The new place made him cozy and uncomfortable,where all different kinds of souls were gazing this boy, the glutton guy,the lean short fellow, a gal with really cute preity (pretty) dimples, a gal wid really cute smile but with awkward spectacles of the thickness of binoculars,a stout gal, who was looking ready to go to score the next gold medal in weightlifting in the coming Olympics…which our poor country INDIA has been desperately trying to whittle.

To the boys good luck, the souls that were gazing at him , turned the other side, while a voice was keep on running at a high pitch in the new place.The boy was not at all listening to the voice. It was now his turn to look over , to take a glance of the souls which were gazing at him till now.This became his daily schedule for many days..Till he got aquainted to the souls along with him.

The boy was really bad at mathematics,so he joined tutions to improve at his numbers, which he was so bad at.The boy was really fond of the idiot box(as he had no idea of the networking world that time,which he later got to knew,and his addiction shifted towards networking from idiot box), than working on numbers. The boy got to knew the different human emotions by watching number of things on the idiot box, and the fusion of his thoughts,along with his confused minded thinking made him know the crappeist[some say its the best, while it has been the one thing right one time, and the other, the other time] emotion, which we call "LAV".The boy was noticing a gal while the same gal was constantly noticing the boy(though the boy was not that good looking) and this lead the confused curious mind of the boy felt the superhuman emotion called "LAV".The boy somehow could manage to top the class, while thinking of all the crap stuff(which he downloaded directly into his mind from the idiot box).Anyhow due the exams and stuff, the boy couldnt effort on his mind to think about the crap stuff much and so,this made his first infactuation("LAV") boil out from his mind.He was at that time too young and confused mind to think seriusly about this stuff.

As soon as he was done wid his 10th, he was thrown into a so called college, were he had just the correct time to make up for his studies, and for his friends.So he had almost forgotten the gal.The boy though not that talented ,was lucky enough to get into one of the premier colleges.The boy was good at making good friends, and he found some good friends who matched his frequency. The destiny had something different to write in the boy's fate. a latter gal entered into the boy's life.The boy was really desperate to have this gal, whom he really liked true from his heart. The boy approached the latter gal through a wrong way, and made some mistakes.Meanwhile the boy met the former gal accidentally and the gal invited him to a coffee nearby.They had a gud conversation cherishing school life memories, and then ,at sudden, the tone of the gal changed.The boy didnt expected the gal would say this, but this made him put in dilemma...to choose one of the two...The former gal who has been a good buddy to him ..who made the boy felt the superemotion first time in his life, or the gal who he has been desperate of.

The boy anyhow could manage to come up to a decision and after thinking a lot ,rejected the former gal. Meanwhile the boy was having sour time wid the latter gal and the things with her just faded away very fast with time.The boy could somehow managed to come out of the trans(really a brave boy).

The boy was now introspecting over the things.he felt he was in a love triangle, which now in course of time splitted into each angle. The angles being the former gal, the latter gal and thirdly, his life without any one of the two in his life.The boy who was now a good thinker, after getting practicality, was real happy with the third angle life.(though the boy was still holding a chance of approaching former gal again, still chances are good there,but the boy didnt gave try again to former gal again).

But still the boy had doubts which he wanted to put before the people, and to find his decision of going along with the third angle life was better than the other two decisions.So if you people are in the same position the boy had been, which angle had you gone along wid....Which angle life would have made the boy's life better.To go once again for the FORMER gal, to give again a try for the LATTER gal or just go along with time with the third angle.

post your comments on my attempt to write a STORY kind of thing.......ADIOS

me nd my philos....nd spirituality

I have been thinking hard for a nice juicy topic from the past many days but finally settled on to this worldly topic on which every person is trying to give his stuff and trying to define in his way.

I think , In general, people would consider this post boring than the past two, but i always like to talk on this kind of stuff, So its me, giving my try.

In my terms, spirituality and philosophy are the two important parameters in evreryone's life to make your thought process better and practical ideal(practical ideal means the solution which is nearly ideal solution but definitely practical).

Recently i was boozing along with my friends and one of my friend said,life is not a game of chance, but life is game of choice.I found this thought quite amazing. I really want to make my life count, and that too in my way. I don’t want to change my life for some crapper.One thing i want to say is don't let yourself to change completely because of somebody, just improvise. This improvization can be possible by introspecting on regular basis.

To me , the element that firstly counts to me in any person is attitude but not character. I think if you have attitude element, the character element is inherent. So trying to work on the attitude element will make your most of the things set right in your life.
Around 3 or 4 years back, i used to wonder and get puzzled for many things. There were many things , i used to hate them that time, and now ,the same things are my life, my passion.. Some of the things i used to wonder were, how can people read 500 or 600 pages of a novel, leaving all other intresting things behind. How can the people read tomes on idealism and spirituality. How can people talk hours and hours on boring spirituality. But to my amusement, these are the same things I am very passionate now. This four years of my engineering didnt gave me any great tag or degree or any great achievement( though provided me employment), but one thing I am really sure is, it improved my thought process a lot. It brought a kind of maturity in my thoughts. There are some of my close buddies, which are also responsible for improvement of my thought process.I cant name them as my ego doesnt allow me to do it(just kiddin, )

To me, spirituality has nothing to do with God....it all deals with making your life better,thought process better,live more lively and doing some good things.Some books which really moved me are The Old Neighbourhood by Avory Korman, Who Will Cry When You Die by Robin Sharma,Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.Iam sure you read one of these books, you gonna learn very much from them, and atleast one of these gonna move you.
I have seen an equation some where, and i truly believe it.

Philosophy + science= religion.

Religion has nothing to with caste and creeds, the sucking bloody barriers, but this term is of mucher higher plane.Learning up from life and thinking reasonably and logically, helping people, being compassionate is the Universal religion.

To me , life is all about freaking at your first half,analyzing and working out your ass for your passion, being compassionate, in the later half.The aftermath of first half of your life will teach you , how to whittle ,score in the second half of your life.

So keep LIVING LIFE,AND STOP ANALYZING........ ...cos there is lot of time left to analyze it,for now JUST LIVE THE LIFE.
adios for now...dont forget to post your comments....

retrospect...review..passions....

Done with my first blog and i got the reviews of it..the theme of the blog(story) was good, but need to increase my approach towards the reader...any how critics are must, so that to get better on the things i messed upon..

So i will try to be a bit proffesional nd sophisticated in this post.

In this post, i want to tell you about my fanatasies, my weird dreams and passions and my crappy thoughts.

I do have the exact idea ...about how my life should be, but gaining control on my life, with such creepy and wierd passions and dreams would be just like finding the exact value of square root of -1.My policy in life is to taste every bloody thing , be it bad or good, beacause you just have only one life to do all the things, and if all good deeds are done in this life, where is the room for the bad things you havent done.How could you know that its really bad and it should not be done , if you dont do it..

Coming to my dreams, i had the dream of being a cricketer at first(which almost 95% of the people have in their childhood).A bit later got a bit bored of cricket and then thought of being a scientist, around in 9th class(after knowing that nobel laurates are one of the richest people and are given huge amount of money after scoring nobel prize)., but to my fate, iam ending up being an engineer.

Iam a bit into reading, these days ,from nearly one year, kudos to my supersenior sharma, who worked on me ,a lot, to install(haha) the habit of reading in me.The first book i have read was five point someone, and it was a great start to reading . Now i have given my try on non fictional and spiritual stuff and i can bet they are the most amazing stuff on this earth.If a nice pile of non fiction books are given to me and iam left alone anywhere on this earth(even without fairer sex) , i can assure you that i can survive over there. One thing i really like in me is the habit of analyzing people.i love doing this crap though this crap led me to many difficulties.

Iam a movie fantasizer and i love watching good movies, though iam not that much into english movies, but of the english movies i have watched, A beautiful mind of russel crowe moved me the most.I also like french kiss, minority report and bruce almighty.Iam lot into watching bollywood stuff and there are so many movies on the list which inspired me,moved me,titilated me smittened me. major of them are Black, lakshya, Rang de basanthi.. and lots more.

One more thing iam really passionate about is music, without which i cant live.I love listening to english stuff.They really make sense....especially avril lavigne, eminem and lot more crappy people which i think iam too lazy to mention over here.

i like play tennis, cricket and table tennis and these days iam playing football a bit....but i dont like it that much...cos it needs your butt to move continously, which is a very difficult thing for a lazy,infact laziest creature like mee.....

Kartheek in his blog confessed about the fairer sex, and after him confessing about his stuff, iam also gonna confess some things about fairer sex. I had number of crushes in my life from my school up till now., but never got lucky till now.Once got lucky , but i ruined it(Damn me, got lucky once and messed there too).The thing that counts me the most in the fairer sex is ATTITUDE element and to my poor luck, i havent found my attitude girl till now.Praying hardly and heartily to God to find my attitude girl before i end up with some messy girl.(pls God, are you listening).Iam almost done with my engineering now and still dont have any girlfriend(God listen to this, not fair kadha.....so be humble).

One thing i strongly believe is, whenever you are in a big mess,dont panic, cos everything is in your perception.Its in the way you handle it and the way you look at it and in the way you deal with it.

Thats it for this post. Pls post ur comments.i have already thought of the topic of the next post.Writing this kind of stuff is making my soul pure because of confessing all my guilts and shortcomings here.So think God will start fulfilling my weird wishes .(hahaha). C ya.....