HALF TO COMPLETE...........

I am almost half dead.

The thoughts were still bogging in my mind and I was still in complete shock . Why did the things went so wrong .Where did it went wrong. In fact I was questioning myself with all the different kind of pronouns (why, where , how , what etc.). It was two in the late night and I was along with my friends. I was really sad and was really feeling to cry and bring out my pain and sorrow that time but seeing that there is no one who can really understand my pain, I just kept on filling my void with the alcohol. I was really crying inside but couldn’t let out my pain. I was feeling like an Adam without any Eve or a soul without any companion of an intimate soul, desiring to burst out my emotions. people all around me were dancing with joy , while I was in no mood to celebrate my trounce over there.

I was in confused state of mind. Mind and heart were really going abnormal, so I thought of taking a wise decision of keeping my thoughts aside for a while and celebrate along with my friends. The alcohol took control in the case of rohit and was making him dance upside down and he tumbled awkwardly falling on his face.

I was virtually dying for a cigarette .I opened the cigarette pack, but there was not even a single one in it. I had an impression that fagging makes you think more, better and wise. I went out for cigarettes with my friend on my motorcycle. While akshay was driving, my mind was trying to process out the algorithm of the scenario, from the start till the end to bring out the loopholes .I couldn’t find anything but was still trying to find out something of the nothing. Akshay killed the engine and we were again with our great buddies- vodka and cigarette.

Now the alcohol was taking control on me too and I instantly picked up my mobile and dialed the most dialed number on my mobile. It was ringing loud but there was no response. I got reminded of the past where we used to talk about the language of souls and omen and used to say to each other that if one really thinks of someone from heart, the person on the other side will respond instantly .

At that instant, I really felt, there cannot be a much bigger toxin than our past itself, there cannot be a bigger devil, bigger enemy than our bloody past. It tortures you the every present minute of yours making your life miserable. I sent her a 3 or 4 short messages conveying my deep thoughts clearly. It wasn’t me actually. The alcohol inside me was trying to be my helping hand but the crap non-living thing really didn’t had any idea of the fatal outcome which was about to come.

Time got 2 in the afternoon the next day and I was in a hang over. I was feeling a strong hammer being hit on my head sporadically. I tried to find out my mobile and I saw an sms which blew me completely. Anshita committed suicide. My whole world shattered into pieces. I went out to her home and saw her corpse lying down. I just couldn’t make out what to do and tears rolled down my cheeks. I came out in a short while and I tried to find out the reasons of her giving life imprisonment to me. Asha, whom I knew quite well , the closest pal of Anshitha came to me and handed over her suicidal letter.

She commited suicide because she was not able to decide between her parents and me. Her parents actually warned her of me and I, the stupid was upset of her because she was not intimate to me from past few days .She could not handle the pressure of her parents and at the same time was feeling guilty for not responding to my constant calls, meetings. Her parents actually emotionally blackmailed her saying they would eventually commit suicide if she doesn’t listens to them. My poor Anshitha crumbled to these circumstances and gave me enough pain( than it was yesterday) to live the whole life thinking, listening, feeling, crying dying her. Now I am complete dead.

PS: i was actually thinking of giving my try on a tragical love story.i felt writing it after seeing a friends blog...... .I had no idea of the theme but things got formed as i started crapping in.I started at 1.30 and now its 3.3o. I hope my attempt is atleast satisfactory.

waiting for the comments for my first tragic attempt to a tragical lav story.