CONCEAL to CONSOLATION

She looks damn pretty when she makes dumb face gesturing with hands, biting her lips trying to explain that she has no idea of the thing, she is being asked. She is really my life. The oxygen. I just cannot imagine my life without her. I cannot forget all the dreams I have of her. I cannot forget all the moments I have spent with her. The walks in the rain, the coffees with her, the time with her in the college, in the canteens, where I ,having a romantic and flirty conversation with her, and then the entire tone was perturbed by my friends who just don’t have any other work except wasting time hanging at canteens disturbing people cracking their so called jokes(they are completely in humorous and 100% injurious), the movies I went along with her(I am so unlucky that they didn’t left us here too, making my life miserable, though she was comfortable to their jokes, I was getting irritated to the highest degree biting my teeth plotting to kill one of them, so that I can get my privacy back), the jaunts to temple along with her(I am a complete atheist and she is completely my contrary, the great god believer I suppose on this earth, in fact , if God prioritizes a boon according to the piousness, I bet she may top the list) , the long chats with her at night where I used to ring her up every night. I am really poor at remembering dates and numbers(I have forgotten some very important birthdays), but the moment I was in love with her, I used to remember the time ,date, and the number of times we met at a particular place .(the analysis of these things shows, how crap you become when you fall in love).I used to watch the astrology everyday on television, used to read astrology in the newspaper, and used to do every crap possible which makes me, think of me along with her. The moment I think of her, it made me remember of some number which had the crappiest significance.

It was the fare well day where I almost confessed my concealed thoughts, kudos to the little amount of vodka , which tried to kill the coward in me and give birth to a valiant chap. All the things went well , and when it was my turn to the get on to the podium, I with my dancing legs(of the vodka),stand still on the stage, tried to bring out my emotions, but seeing the whole crowd in front of me , I went numb. I saw her giving a kind of blush( Omen :) ) , but feared of the negative consequences(which I cannot digest) , I got zipped completely.

I regretted like hell for not expressing my feelings. Its been two years now and we are in two completely different places, million miles apart. I , doing my masters in science at harvards while she was doing her masters in business administration at IIM-Lucknow. The things are very comforted now ,chaps to the networking world which made the things so easier, so easier to vent out the emotions, frustrations , thoughts, dreams, desires and…..

She was really passionate about becoming an entrepreneur , that too in FMCG sector. I remember , I used to banter " you look more a saleswoman than an entrepreneur". I loved the way she gets angry on me when I say this. I called her ." I am coming next week", ms. Saleswoman. This time she didn’t got angry and instead was jumping with joy .

I had many candle light dinners and dates, they seem so common in US, while this was certainly special to both of us.(at least for me). The ambiance was just perfect to settle in. The light was just perfect, provided along with enough privacy(I was happy of the privacy as I don’t used to get privacy with her that easily :D ).We talked long, very long. We talked about our college days, friends, her parents, about her masters, about my masters. In short , past, present and the future. Now we are about to end up with each other in a month. We are getting tied into the so called social custom called nuptials(marriage) and are really keyed up to push our plans.

We planned for a get together with our friends during graduation , we throwed a party together, and we all people met discussing the crap ,the things we are up to, the shit things we have done till now .I am gonna party later in the night along with my friends, venting my emotions , post vodka( :) ).

That’s the end of the long boring story.

Moral :

Its actually complete fiction but still tries to throw some moral, so catch it. Be patient enough to convey your thoughts .You would get enough chances to convey them , but conveying them at the right time is important. Both of the persons should be in an intimate relation, where the words should not play a major role the tacit ness should itself becomes a language to communicate, you will understand everything of each other so well, and the implications itself would suggest you of the further future consequences.

PS; All the characters in this post are imaginary and any resemblance with anybody is purely co-incidential.( :) ).I couldn’t found a better theme and so compromised to a routine love story. Hope , my attempt is at least satisfactory.

ANGEL................

your love is like a star,
shining in my heart,
lightening up my life, its true, girlll,
i never felt this way before,
i keep want it more and more,
what would life be, without you girl.


you shown me the love i have never seen,
you like an angel in my sweetest dream,
you have given me my world,
i couldnt find you out, my girl,
iam not able to see anything real,
i know,no love would love this.


oh my, oh my ,
i never wanna say you goodbye
how much you mean to me,
i realize, i realize.
come babe, baby come close,
i may never gonna let you go,
how much you mean to me, do you knowwwwwww...


you have shown me the love i have never seen
you like an angel in my sweetest dream,
you have given me my world,
i couldnt find you out , my girl,
iam not able to see anything real,
i know,no love would love this.


you are the girl i have been living for,
i dont want to lose anything more,
just be my life and bear me once more,
so that i can repent for all, i have been regretting for.......................






PS: when you are real confused to do something, the poetic hormone(if it exists)
in you makes you to write complete crap. I couldnt convey the thoughts and emotions in right proportion, but wanted to put it over here,so bear this.Sometimes you find it difficult to choose between choice by chance or chance by choice and then things will......(lite le lol).I will wind up here,dont want to irritate and confuse you much more than you already are... :)

THE YOUNG GUNS OF INDIA

Things are going real fast and the competition among the things is getting stiffer and stiffer. People are striving for the best of the things available and are trying to be the best. All this shows that people are getting real smart and sensible and are trying to reach to the Pinnacle in the field they are striving for. The generation present seems to be a lot more sensible and smart than the past generations. The COMPROMISE element is no where visible in the present generation which is a good sign showing their undying determination.

In this run to reach the best, the people are running off from the morals and ethics. Money, vitamin-m , is being considered the supreme power. People are trying all the good and bad means to accomplish the desired thing without the consideration of morals , ethics and values. Love is getting defined only in the lust sense, and the compassion is losing value in this edition of the present world. The definition of mankind is being manipulated .

Its not like that things are going completely wrong but things can be done much better than they are now. The younger generation really has that potential to set the things right , but they are getting off track because of the illusions which give short term pleasure. They should think of the things at a much larger scale, which is probably missing.

The outcomes of the things should be considered at a bigger scale with broad mindedness. The aftermath element should be taken into the consideration for the things you do. Compassion should be treated the ultimate religion. Religion has nothing to with caste and creeds, the bloody barriers, but this term is of much higher plane. Learning up from life and thinking reasonably and logically, helping people, being compassionate is the Universal religion.

The youth now if they don’t get deviated by the fantasies can really show there bang and eradicate the problems we are facing.. Poverty, hunger , ill health, corruption are the root causes which are backing us from being developed. Every doctor has the potential of exterminating the problem of ill health. every rich enterpreneur can take a hand in solving the problem of poverty.we should get concious of the most common thing that every IAS officer has the potential of controlling the factor of corruption. Every minister has the capability of controlling these problems. But the bigger problem is , we are not striving hard enough to get rid of these devil factors. Instead we are getting corrupted and contributing to the make the solution for this problem complex and difficult.

If we really work from heart hard enough , these problems really don’t require any five year plans and all, allotting them a specific budget.

Ultimately working hard with compassion is the mantra to be followed to make this world much more beautiful and livelier place to live in..

PS: i know i really go nuts when i try to crap something senssible or something which requires sense...par kya karoon...aadat se mazboor hoon.....

on a more serious note, i think the young guns of inida should really show their guts and leave their footprints behind...........

HALF TO COMPLETE...........

I am almost half dead.

The thoughts were still bogging in my mind and I was still in complete shock . Why did the things went so wrong .Where did it went wrong. In fact I was questioning myself with all the different kind of pronouns (why, where , how , what etc.). It was two in the late night and I was along with my friends. I was really sad and was really feeling to cry and bring out my pain and sorrow that time but seeing that there is no one who can really understand my pain, I just kept on filling my void with the alcohol. I was really crying inside but couldn’t let out my pain. I was feeling like an Adam without any Eve or a soul without any companion of an intimate soul, desiring to burst out my emotions. people all around me were dancing with joy , while I was in no mood to celebrate my trounce over there.

I was in confused state of mind. Mind and heart were really going abnormal, so I thought of taking a wise decision of keeping my thoughts aside for a while and celebrate along with my friends. The alcohol took control in the case of rohit and was making him dance upside down and he tumbled awkwardly falling on his face.

I was virtually dying for a cigarette .I opened the cigarette pack, but there was not even a single one in it. I had an impression that fagging makes you think more, better and wise. I went out for cigarettes with my friend on my motorcycle. While akshay was driving, my mind was trying to process out the algorithm of the scenario, from the start till the end to bring out the loopholes .I couldn’t find anything but was still trying to find out something of the nothing. Akshay killed the engine and we were again with our great buddies- vodka and cigarette.

Now the alcohol was taking control on me too and I instantly picked up my mobile and dialed the most dialed number on my mobile. It was ringing loud but there was no response. I got reminded of the past where we used to talk about the language of souls and omen and used to say to each other that if one really thinks of someone from heart, the person on the other side will respond instantly .

At that instant, I really felt, there cannot be a much bigger toxin than our past itself, there cannot be a bigger devil, bigger enemy than our bloody past. It tortures you the every present minute of yours making your life miserable. I sent her a 3 or 4 short messages conveying my deep thoughts clearly. It wasn’t me actually. The alcohol inside me was trying to be my helping hand but the crap non-living thing really didn’t had any idea of the fatal outcome which was about to come.

Time got 2 in the afternoon the next day and I was in a hang over. I was feeling a strong hammer being hit on my head sporadically. I tried to find out my mobile and I saw an sms which blew me completely. Anshita committed suicide. My whole world shattered into pieces. I went out to her home and saw her corpse lying down. I just couldn’t make out what to do and tears rolled down my cheeks. I came out in a short while and I tried to find out the reasons of her giving life imprisonment to me. Asha, whom I knew quite well , the closest pal of Anshitha came to me and handed over her suicidal letter.

She commited suicide because she was not able to decide between her parents and me. Her parents actually warned her of me and I, the stupid was upset of her because she was not intimate to me from past few days .She could not handle the pressure of her parents and at the same time was feeling guilty for not responding to my constant calls, meetings. Her parents actually emotionally blackmailed her saying they would eventually commit suicide if she doesn’t listens to them. My poor Anshitha crumbled to these circumstances and gave me enough pain( than it was yesterday) to live the whole life thinking, listening, feeling, crying dying her. Now I am complete dead.

PS: i was actually thinking of giving my try on a tragical love story.i felt writing it after seeing a friends blog...... .I had no idea of the theme but things got formed as i started crapping in.I started at 1.30 and now its 3.3o. I hope my attempt is atleast satisfactory.

waiting for the comments for my first tragic attempt to a tragical lav story.

CAT-- ER--PILLAR

Hmmmmm
what to say,exactly one year back I was one of the frantic aspirants of CAT….joined the coaching ,did all the loudening,full hyped,just similar to the celebration festives that happens to a scapegoat.

--------------------------------------CAT-05--------------------------------------------------------

I woke up quite early today at around 5.00 . I struggled to get out of the chains of laziness , i guess with the strange gestures of mine. I was waiting for the newspaper boy to deliver the paper. The newspaper guy hasn’t arrived yet, so tried to check over the last two or three days back newspaper. I saw a cat paper model in education plus column.I tried to solve one or two problems feeling that this would give me a warm up to the exam. I solved a passage, 3 or 4 quants, and a DI set if I can remember. Time was around 6.30 now , and the newspaper arrived .I saw an article regarding cat,1.75 lacs people writing cat hoping for the creamy pays any guy would dream to. I closed the column after reading a bit of it and started looking over metro plus and page-3.Things were boring there , so stopped reading newspaper and started listening to some soothing linkin park tracks and A R Rahmans.

Time was getting 7 now and so i had a shower and had an ok kinda breakfast .The time was 8 and as my conveyance was sucking bloody APSRTC bus, so went out to bus stop by 8.2o, and caught the bus.A kind of funny incident happened over there. A serious aspirant of CAT met me over there. He was damn nervous just like a nerd on the first eve of his marriage. His legs were shaking .He was infact pronouncing his centre instead of saying his destination. Poor guy. I Had an ok kind of tete-a-tete with him and by then I was at my cat centre at around 9.20 and there were till some 10 minutes left . I had some tittle-tattle with my seniors over there.

I went to the hall to face the music of the most talked, most hyped exam that is the DEVIL CAT. I entered my room and checked over my place. As the instructions were about to be delivered ,i noticed that there was angel kind of girl sitting in parallel to me ,the next bench, just next to me. The exam started and I did some quant of around 40 minutes. Though I had no idea of the pattern , I noticed three sections been given , so allotted 40 minutes to each section. As I felt that ,quant was my strong section, i started over doing the quant sums.I was feeling damn lazy. I did sum 40 odd minutes of quant and next tried to attempt an RC passage.I was held back by the acts of the angel like gal sitting behind me. Her beautiful hair were repeatedly falling over her ear and she was trying to put them back, sometimes with her hand and sometimes with a hairband. She wasn’t doing the test seriously(I felt it after , she wasting around 10 minutes for setting up her hair )I was distracted and started noticing her cute acts and by then I already wasted 10 minutes looking at her. After it , I started looking over the passage and everything was going way above my head and and even the pronouns in the passage were difficult to grasp. I attempted 2 or 3 questions for the sake, though not being sure for any of them.I attempted some jumbled sentences,and then attempted a 1 marker set in DI and a 2 mark set. The test got done and in short time , announcement of leaving the hall took place.

I was in a hurry and was trying hard to look for the angel . Alas I missed her and couldnt found her any where. I gave a thought to the things for around 2 minutes and then told to me...LITE LE LOL…….

Post cat; attempted 31 questions worth 42 marks, Scored a good percentile of 96 in maths ,70 in DI and a filthy 33 in EU/RC.(L), missed the angelL :( :(

PS: Done with my semester exams and the management entrances , and now being completely at leisure, its making me, pen over the every crap.I must say you should crap everything that comes to your mind, cos

1. you may forget the precious things and moments, if you dont crap all the things, which you may regret a lot.
   
2. It improves your analyzing habit(its my opinion completely)
   
3. Its fun..LOL...passing your time when you are completely unoccupied.

mohandas ARVIND KUMAR gandhi.........MY EXPERIMENTS WID LYFE :) :D

Things gonna got to say this way,

this would be, yeah , my day,

all I got to do is , give a real good shot

strike the iron while its real hot.

This time , things gonna be my way,

the day coming ahead would be my day,

i really want to crack a big jackpot,

but that should come to me ,

deciding that do I deserve it or not.

Life is a chain of complexities,

with constantly changing priorities,

with a lot of adversities,

but don’t look it that way,

see life as an undying insanity,

see it wid enough clarity

to rid off all the complexity,

and improve its quality.

Life is about applying your philosophy,

its about finding your ecstasy,

its about looking for your intimacy,

so think well in the life,

to LIVE LIFE KING SIZE.

PS :my second bad attempt to crap something poetic. still it needs to be edited .Lot of editing left still.But felt like publishing it first and editing it on the improvisation of my thoughts :)