The BOY

Hey back after long time. Its been quite a long time since I have blogged.

From past quite a days, due to different radical transformations happening in life, changes happening and those changes bringing again new changes reminds me of two completely different things.

firstly , darwin’s theory of evolution and secondly game theory. Both seem completely disjoint sets but they have hell of part in intersection. It can be applied to almost all the living organisms, all creatures in all forms, in their physical, meta physical forms.

Darwin’ theory very itself reminds me one line- the survival of the fittest. The strongest would survive. And the weak would bend.

Game theory can be defined as purposeful strategy for the desired outcome.

the human becomes the fittest by himself applying the game strategy with the people he is competing with , in various facets of life. Right from the school , he is forced to be the top performing student without considering even his area of interests. Then at the later stages he is forced to write an exam on every third day during every year from class 7^th. He is expected to perform best and the student in this rat race tries to involve himself, puts his effort at the best and sometimes in vain, starts rebelling with both , his parents and his thoughts. Though the student has not been applying game theory knowingly or unknowingly at this stage , but in the later stages of life, with being hit by various things, people, choices ,starts being manipulative, clever, aggressive and lot more and learns applying applying game theory.

After completing his schooling , he enters college, makes a good bunch of friends, some close , some distant, some new , some old, some good, some bad, some generous, some selfish. By the end of college, he narrows his friends list to a count of 6 to 8 , which he supposes them to be his life time friends.

Then after the college, he enters the professional field where he learns very much about what exactly people are and here he starts applying game theory after being stung quite a times. H then recollects that his friend list is narrowed to 2 or 3 as some of his college friends are now slowly out of touch. He starts scolding himself for being such a loser after having earned nothing much in terms of self respect, friends, recognition etc. He regrets often but gets carried away with many other things which makes him forget lot of depressing things about him.

The guy feels himself interested about a girl at work and he finds ways to impress her. At last somehow he manages and sums up all his effort to propose her, and amazingly the girl accepts his proposal. They guy after being such a loser till now, in his life, thinks of him being finally the triumphant. His relationship is now 2 years old and the relationship blossoms pretty well. Lots of calls, sms’s , outings , tourings , promises, and what not else. And suddenly the girl’s father gets to knew about this and he looks for another guy. The girl’s mother makes a suicidal note saying that if she marries anybody against her wish, she would kill herself. The girl bends here, and they girl parents strategies the situation for their desired outcome. The stronger wins.

Meanwhile the girl stops calling the boy and this guy goes crazy and nuts without her call. He gets to know about the situation. The girl asks the boy to forget about her. The boy goes mad. Here the girl being the stronger, unknowingly strategizes the boy with a desired outcome, not of her, but her parents. The girl gets married to a different guy and the boy is back alone again. He thinks of himself as a much bigger loser and has lost interest in life.He attempts for suicide and he fails. He considers himself the biggest loser on this earth.. The boy parents to make the boy feel better, tries to fix him up with marriage. And then with time, he tries becoming normal.

The boy is now somewhat better after his marriage. Now after 6 to 7 years of experience he earn 50 k per month, has two beautiful kids. He never finds himself perfectly happy, though not sad also.. The life just goes on with same pace, no surprises mundanely. He himself is complacent after considering himself , the biggest loser on this earth.

The boy being bad at moves of game theory, doesn’t become the fittest and hence bends .

PS; I even don’t know why I wrote this. No intention of writing it, but finally formed this way :)

CONCEAL to CONSOLATION

She looks damn pretty when she makes dumb face gesturing with hands, biting her lips trying to explain that she has no idea of the thing, she is being asked. She is really my life. The oxygen. I just cannot imagine my life without her. I cannot forget all the dreams I have of her. I cannot forget all the moments I have spent with her. The walks in the rain, the coffees with her, the time with her in the college, in the canteens, where I ,having a romantic and flirty conversation with her, and then the entire tone was perturbed by my friends who just don’t have any other work except wasting time hanging at canteens disturbing people cracking their so called jokes(they are completely in humorous and 100% injurious), the movies I went along with her(I am so unlucky that they didn’t left us here too, making my life miserable, though she was comfortable to their jokes, I was getting irritated to the highest degree biting my teeth plotting to kill one of them, so that I can get my privacy back), the jaunts to temple along with her(I am a complete atheist and she is completely my contrary, the great god believer I suppose on this earth, in fact , if God prioritizes a boon according to the piousness, I bet she may top the list) , the long chats with her at night where I used to ring her up every night. I am really poor at remembering dates and numbers(I have forgotten some very important birthdays), but the moment I was in love with her, I used to remember the time ,date, and the number of times we met at a particular place .(the analysis of these things shows, how crap you become when you fall in love).I used to watch the astrology everyday on television, used to read astrology in the newspaper, and used to do every crap possible which makes me, think of me along with her. The moment I think of her, it made me remember of some number which had the crappiest significance.

It was the fare well day where I almost confessed my concealed thoughts, kudos to the little amount of vodka , which tried to kill the coward in me and give birth to a valiant chap. All the things went well , and when it was my turn to the get on to the podium, I with my dancing legs(of the vodka),stand still on the stage, tried to bring out my emotions, but seeing the whole crowd in front of me , I went numb. I saw her giving a kind of blush( Omen :) ) , but feared of the negative consequences(which I cannot digest) , I got zipped completely.

I regretted like hell for not expressing my feelings. Its been two years now and we are in two completely different places, million miles apart. I , doing my masters in science at harvards while she was doing her masters in business administration at IIM-Lucknow. The things are very comforted now ,chaps to the networking world which made the things so easier, so easier to vent out the emotions, frustrations , thoughts, dreams, desires and…..

She was really passionate about becoming an entrepreneur , that too in FMCG sector. I remember , I used to banter " you look more a saleswoman than an entrepreneur". I loved the way she gets angry on me when I say this. I called her ." I am coming next week", ms. Saleswoman. This time she didn’t got angry and instead was jumping with joy .

I had many candle light dinners and dates, they seem so common in US, while this was certainly special to both of us.(at least for me). The ambiance was just perfect to settle in. The light was just perfect, provided along with enough privacy(I was happy of the privacy as I don’t used to get privacy with her that easily :D ).We talked long, very long. We talked about our college days, friends, her parents, about her masters, about my masters. In short , past, present and the future. Now we are about to end up with each other in a month. We are getting tied into the so called social custom called nuptials(marriage) and are really keyed up to push our plans.

We planned for a get together with our friends during graduation , we throwed a party together, and we all people met discussing the crap ,the things we are up to, the shit things we have done till now .I am gonna party later in the night along with my friends, venting my emotions , post vodka( :) ).

That’s the end of the long boring story.

Moral :

Its actually complete fiction but still tries to throw some moral, so catch it. Be patient enough to convey your thoughts .You would get enough chances to convey them , but conveying them at the right time is important. Both of the persons should be in an intimate relation, where the words should not play a major role the tacit ness should itself becomes a language to communicate, you will understand everything of each other so well, and the implications itself would suggest you of the further future consequences.

PS; All the characters in this post are imaginary and any resemblance with anybody is purely co-incidential.( :) ).I couldn’t found a better theme and so compromised to a routine love story. Hope , my attempt is at least satisfactory.

HALF TO COMPLETE...........

I am almost half dead.

The thoughts were still bogging in my mind and I was still in complete shock . Why did the things went so wrong .Where did it went wrong. In fact I was questioning myself with all the different kind of pronouns (why, where , how , what etc.). It was two in the late night and I was along with my friends. I was really sad and was really feeling to cry and bring out my pain and sorrow that time but seeing that there is no one who can really understand my pain, I just kept on filling my void with the alcohol. I was really crying inside but couldn’t let out my pain. I was feeling like an Adam without any Eve or a soul without any companion of an intimate soul, desiring to burst out my emotions. people all around me were dancing with joy , while I was in no mood to celebrate my trounce over there.

I was in confused state of mind. Mind and heart were really going abnormal, so I thought of taking a wise decision of keeping my thoughts aside for a while and celebrate along with my friends. The alcohol took control in the case of rohit and was making him dance upside down and he tumbled awkwardly falling on his face.

I was virtually dying for a cigarette .I opened the cigarette pack, but there was not even a single one in it. I had an impression that fagging makes you think more, better and wise. I went out for cigarettes with my friend on my motorcycle. While akshay was driving, my mind was trying to process out the algorithm of the scenario, from the start till the end to bring out the loopholes .I couldn’t find anything but was still trying to find out something of the nothing. Akshay killed the engine and we were again with our great buddies- vodka and cigarette.

Now the alcohol was taking control on me too and I instantly picked up my mobile and dialed the most dialed number on my mobile. It was ringing loud but there was no response. I got reminded of the past where we used to talk about the language of souls and omen and used to say to each other that if one really thinks of someone from heart, the person on the other side will respond instantly .

At that instant, I really felt, there cannot be a much bigger toxin than our past itself, there cannot be a bigger devil, bigger enemy than our bloody past. It tortures you the every present minute of yours making your life miserable. I sent her a 3 or 4 short messages conveying my deep thoughts clearly. It wasn’t me actually. The alcohol inside me was trying to be my helping hand but the crap non-living thing really didn’t had any idea of the fatal outcome which was about to come.

Time got 2 in the afternoon the next day and I was in a hang over. I was feeling a strong hammer being hit on my head sporadically. I tried to find out my mobile and I saw an sms which blew me completely. Anshita committed suicide. My whole world shattered into pieces. I went out to her home and saw her corpse lying down. I just couldn’t make out what to do and tears rolled down my cheeks. I came out in a short while and I tried to find out the reasons of her giving life imprisonment to me. Asha, whom I knew quite well , the closest pal of Anshitha came to me and handed over her suicidal letter.

She commited suicide because she was not able to decide between her parents and me. Her parents actually warned her of me and I, the stupid was upset of her because she was not intimate to me from past few days .She could not handle the pressure of her parents and at the same time was feeling guilty for not responding to my constant calls, meetings. Her parents actually emotionally blackmailed her saying they would eventually commit suicide if she doesn’t listens to them. My poor Anshitha crumbled to these circumstances and gave me enough pain( than it was yesterday) to live the whole life thinking, listening, feeling, crying dying her. Now I am complete dead.

PS: i was actually thinking of giving my try on a tragical love story.i felt writing it after seeing a friends blog...... .I had no idea of the theme but things got formed as i started crapping in.I started at 1.30 and now its 3.3o. I hope my attempt is atleast satisfactory.

waiting for the comments for my first tragic attempt to a tragical lav story.

A Lav triangle, splitted at every angle.....

The boy was completely new to the place....far....very far from the place…where his home used to be.The new place made him cozy and uncomfortable,where all different kinds of souls were gazing this boy, the glutton guy,the lean short fellow, a gal with really cute preity (pretty) dimples, a gal wid really cute smile but with awkward spectacles of the thickness of binoculars,a stout gal, who was looking ready to go to score the next gold medal in weightlifting in the coming Olympics…which our poor country INDIA has been desperately trying to whittle.

To the boys good luck, the souls that were gazing at him , turned the other side, while a voice was keep on running at a high pitch in the new place.The boy was not at all listening to the voice. It was now his turn to look over , to take a glance of the souls which were gazing at him till now.This became his daily schedule for many days..Till he got aquainted to the souls along with him.

The boy was really bad at mathematics,so he joined tutions to improve at his numbers, which he was so bad at.The boy was really fond of the idiot box(as he had no idea of the networking world that time,which he later got to knew,and his addiction shifted towards networking from idiot box), than working on numbers. The boy got to knew the different human emotions by watching number of things on the idiot box, and the fusion of his thoughts,along with his confused minded thinking made him know the crappeist[some say its the best, while it has been the one thing right one time, and the other, the other time] emotion, which we call "LAV".The boy was noticing a gal while the same gal was constantly noticing the boy(though the boy was not that good looking) and this lead the confused curious mind of the boy felt the superhuman emotion called "LAV".The boy somehow could manage to top the class, while thinking of all the crap stuff(which he downloaded directly into his mind from the idiot box).Anyhow due the exams and stuff, the boy couldnt effort on his mind to think about the crap stuff much and so,this made his first infactuation("LAV") boil out from his mind.He was at that time too young and confused mind to think seriusly about this stuff.

As soon as he was done wid his 10th, he was thrown into a so called college, were he had just the correct time to make up for his studies, and for his friends.So he had almost forgotten the gal.The boy though not that talented ,was lucky enough to get into one of the premier colleges.The boy was good at making good friends, and he found some good friends who matched his frequency. The destiny had something different to write in the boy's fate. a latter gal entered into the boy's life.The boy was really desperate to have this gal, whom he really liked true from his heart. The boy approached the latter gal through a wrong way, and made some mistakes.Meanwhile the boy met the former gal accidentally and the gal invited him to a coffee nearby.They had a gud conversation cherishing school life memories, and then ,at sudden, the tone of the gal changed.The boy didnt expected the gal would say this, but this made him put in dilemma...to choose one of the two...The former gal who has been a good buddy to him ..who made the boy felt the superemotion first time in his life, or the gal who he has been desperate of.

The boy anyhow could manage to come up to a decision and after thinking a lot ,rejected the former gal. Meanwhile the boy was having sour time wid the latter gal and the things with her just faded away very fast with time.The boy could somehow managed to come out of the trans(really a brave boy).

The boy was now introspecting over the things.he felt he was in a love triangle, which now in course of time splitted into each angle. The angles being the former gal, the latter gal and thirdly, his life without any one of the two in his life.The boy who was now a good thinker, after getting practicality, was real happy with the third angle life.(though the boy was still holding a chance of approaching former gal again, still chances are good there,but the boy didnt gave try again to former gal again).

But still the boy had doubts which he wanted to put before the people, and to find his decision of going along with the third angle life was better than the other two decisions.So if you people are in the same position the boy had been, which angle had you gone along wid....Which angle life would have made the boy's life better.To go once again for the FORMER gal, to give again a try for the LATTER gal or just go along with time with the third angle.

post your comments on my attempt to write a STORY kind of thing.......ADIOS