FACT

I hate myself for the things I can't restrain :(

True Love :)

Its been a long time since I met Ajay and I was very happy for meeting him after college. He completed his Masters at MIT after his graduation from JNTU. We met at our home and after he refreshed , we went to Taj to sip some beer. I called Shreya too and she was on her way to Taj.


I mentioned about me getting married to Shreya , the coming month and he was puzzled.He got very curious about how I and Shreya got commited to each other.As I got high of the beer, It reminded me of the most Romantic conversation with her.


"love you till my breathe lasts and after it too", I said.
" love you till my last breath and after it too", Said Shreya.



As you know, we all met her during college days but my feelings for her happened after our graduation. I proposed her . She took a bit of time , and then accepted me.Its been wonderful three years now,and I have been in a great feeling called love.Shreya's parents and my parents are happy for our marriage and Life all seems like the most grateful thing I can have.

We were about to order another beer and Shreya came.We all had a great time talking about college and sipping the beer.It was 10.30 in the night, and Shreya insisted me to wind it up as she was getting late. We finished in 10 minutes and I left with Ajay to my home, while shreya left to her home.It was raining heavily outside.I and Ajay waited for a while, as we came on bike. Shreya insisted that she would drop us home but I said we will manage it ,as her home was around an hour away fom Taj.

In around 15 minutes we reached home. Suddenly Ajay received a call and he said that Shreya had a small accident. We reached hospital, and things around me became dizzy and I fainted.


I was shifted to a ward in an hospital and when I woke up, I asked Ajay about Shreya. He said she is fine and will be discharged tomorrow.I was still curious about her and ran to her ward.I went to doctor, and he said she is in coma , and due to strong hit on her head, It has strongly disturbed her neural activity. She has to be fed, cleaned, for the lifetime.I lost the whole world in front of me.
It has been three months I have been with Shreya after the accident, and I fed , bathed, cleaned and did everything for her.
One day Shreya's parents came to me, and said that they were grateful for my love on shreya, but insisted me that life has to move on. They asked to marry somebody else and assured me that they will take a good care of her. I almost instantly said no, and said I am ready to live with Shreya for my whole life, no matter how shreya is.
Its been 6 years now after the accident, and I am still in love with Shreya. I feed her, bathe her, comb her hair, clean if she is drooling,take her out to places,talk to her, tell about how our love though she cannot comprehend it now,and most importantly still love her, in the hope that someday, she will recover back to normal and my life will be wonderful.

PS: Inspired by a video called "True love" on youtube.

Good and Bad :)

I always try to find , what can be defined good and what can be defined bad.I have been trying to come to a conclusion, but it is very hard to come to one. But as per my retrospection, I have come upon few postulates.


1. Anything which you try to resist upon , but you still tend to do, can be defined bad.
for example: I try to resist from alcohol and smoking, but still haven't been able to take a complete control on it. I promise myself not to get drunk again, but I do it again. This act or habit of mine can be defined bad.


2. Coming to define, what is good, It is anything you don't resist yourself to do, and you do it, is Good. An Intensified Good often evolves into passion.
For example, I love reading, and I don't try to resist it, and sometimes even after I get drunk, i feel like doing it.
Finally , I want to conclude it with four magical lines of Robert frost, which has an analogy with good and bad.


The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Dark to Bright :)

I had just woke up,
looked around for light,
Couldn't track where was I,
Stuck in absolute darkness.


Then there was some light,
at a place very distant,
I tried making sense of the sound,
But it was very feeble.


I tried a bit harder,
to make sense of the sound,
and heard a male and a female,
curiously discussing upon.

I heard them discussing about life,
heard about good times and bad,
I heard them discussing future,

and the times they were happy and sad.


Suddenly world started making sense,
and i discovered that i was in my mother's womb,
the people discussing my future were,
my great father and my sweet mom.

PS: It was a song written by Telugu actor sai kumar.

Motivating Myself :)

one last time,Seriously one last time.
Enough is enough,
lets retaliate, conquer.
Need to do solid hard work,
need to come on to the top.

Need to be the best.
Show what i have.
like a wounded lion,
need to come back,
come back very very strong.

crack mocks like i have never done.
Toil like I have never done.
Enough of High,the spark would die,
If i go back to high.
Need to buck up,
Wake up Arvind.

perfection is the word,
I should have the choice,
destiny should not be by chance,
I should be able to kick,
I should be able to kiss.

I am definitely not what it reflects,
I know, i have potential to touch the zenith,
but illusions are dragging me down,
I don't want to be a clown,

Master all, not even jack of one.
It can be done.
All i need to show is ,
courage and determination.

PS: just wrote to motivate me :)

WTF

Pissed off.
I am screwed.
Why am i going through hell.
Should i really bother about it.
I really don't care, but,
Why am i still bothered about it,
Alcohol is the best remedy to it !!!!!!,
I am back in the trap,but i know,
I would soon be out of it .
Where is lyfe leading to,
I am really clueless about it,
I have an idea about it,
but i anticipate it to be different,
because its not lyfe,
If its expected ,
Hope is the cause,
Driving the world,
Overcoming difficulties,
acheiving impossibilities,
Being Content.

PS: Random thoughts :)

Betrayal

Why do i shed tear,
When i know you cannot be near,
You wouldn't come to my life again,
Oh my dear, Oh my dear.


I know I have been betrayed,
banal were the moments which together we lived,
All the beautiful things were just faked,
I don't want to live, I want to be dead.


You are sole cause of my dejection,
Who moved me to heights of frustration,
I now regret for our relation,
Even if i ask you,you don't have any explanation.


All I do is now cry and cry,
I take drugs, Hallucinate , to substitute your high,
I don't have anything left,
I just want to die, I just want to die.


Though betrayed , I still love you,
You are my insanity,I want you,
You are the only one, Without you,
There is nothing that I can do



PS: Just an effort or try to understand the feelings of person who had a love failure :)

Great , Greater, Greatest :)

A sequel to my last blogpost.

An alcoholic high this time, though, not the marijuana. :)

Still in search of, what does it take to be great?

I am actually puzzled about how did Ayn rand had her thoughts a century back , which she published in her books!

We still get mesmerized by her books.

How did those thoughts come to her mind!!!

Did she encountered them practically or she saw it through her experience or she was one of the gifted souls.

I regret taking birth a hundred years later.

Its not about just Ayn Rand, it about a lot of people who started simple and ended up so great, so great, that they are a subject of talk till now.

I am talking about Aristotle, Socrates, Albert Einstien, Stephen Hawking, Ayn Rand, and a lot more till now.

What did they have and how did they evolve to get better and better, better than the best, not only of their centuries but the centuries ahead too, till the centuries which had those great people as their benchmark!!!

Will continue the subject in my next one . :)

LYFE....makes sense????

Sometimes I feel i will wrap and control the whole world on my fingers.My insatiable desires would be at my feet. I would make a difference. I have something in myself which separates me from the crowd.

Very next second , I feel very ordinary about myself, not making any f***** difference, involved in my own narrow world, with my dead monotonous lyfe.

What does it take to be great.?

I am still in search of it.

Sometimes if i feel the existence of God, i wonder how did he invent marijuana, which later was discovered by man!!!

Emotions fly from the positive side to negative and so is the Lyfe.

I am seriously clueless about what sentences my mind really wants my fingers to type and what exactly is being typed!!!

All i know is , i want to beat this world, the successful people , and want to leave them far behind .

PS: marijuana at its peak, forced me :)

Love :)

I have been in love with you,

I can do anything on this world for you,

You are the one thing i deserve life for,

you will last for me till my last breathe do.

From the very first moment i met you,

You are my insanity, i felt i really love you,

The moments i spent with you,

are the one i would never forget i know.

I am not so interesting and,

and you are not so beautiful either,

i don't care the concept of soulmates either,

but surely, we are made for each other.

PS: Marijuana after ages :)

Do we need to believe in God?

We all believe that we have took birth to do a certain task assigned to us by God.God has already decided our fate and lyfe and we adhere to it. We were in some other form in our last lyfe and would be in a certain way depending on the way we do good or bad in this lyfe.This is the principle written in Bhagvad Gita.

Belief in God is a sensitive topic and proving or disproving of it, reaching to a definite conclusion is very difficult.

But I am interested in giving my view points with respect to it and if people get offended by it, I apologize in prior for it.

1. personally I don't like to believe in God. It has a few reasons which might be wrong but let me put my points in a logic so that it makes some sense. As far as my experience is concerned, blind belief in God doesn't prove its point. The belief in humanity makes a bigger sense. If we are supposed to do any task which is blasphemous and it helps a lot of people in a very good way, then we should go for it, rather than backing from it due to our belief in God.

Humanity is greater religion than any other religion. Compassion should be the foremost priority rather than any other priority.

2. I have seen people who do all the malicious things in the world, that is, kill somebody, extort, kidnap and finally at the end of the day, pray to god to forgive their sins. God loses his significance there. If God should have exist, He/she should have been punished by God much early so that he/she shouldn't be commiting more malicious things and by not doing this ,God is allowing a lot of good people to be scapegoats.

3. If there has been one God, it would have been better to believe at. As there are so many Gods, hence so many religions, people killed each other in the name of religion and God , wanting to prove that their God is superior.People still kill each other and will kill each other in the name of God and religion.This is certainly bad. If there has been no belief of God, religions wouldn't have been there and hence ruthless killing of people hungry to prove the superiority of their religion wouldn't have been there.

4.Actually lots of great books teach a lot of good things to follow, but a lot of things in them have been misinterpreted and the people wage wars in the name of these sacred titles, to prove their ridiculous points.

5.If we are able to do things rationally,ensuring that people don't get harm by us, then it isn't mandate that, we should believe in God.

A girl :)

filled with your dreams,
you are my passion,
can't live with you,
do i need to mention.


The first time i saw you
i found myself in a magic spell,
lots of things to convey you,
but i sware,i don't have any guts to tell.



ohh my girl,i do see,
you have been changing the world around me,
There is nothing i can do,
I have been hallucinated by you.


You are my life ,
you are my zenith.
I only want to live with you,
give me just one chance , and i will prove it .


PS;few posts after being into TCS ilp. wrote most of them while i was feeling sleepy in the class :)

Optimism

A raindrop,
finding its way,
deep down in the sea,
to become pearl someday.



Live lyfe,
in your way,
give your best,
and don't care of what people have to say.



live your lyfe with lots of love,
and no room for anger and dismay,
have some passion, work on it,
and success will surely kiss one day.



Lyfe is bitchy,a few things happen your way,
and a lot of things the other way,
but live it as an optimist,
to live lyfe to the fullest.

Sea-shore

Sitting at the sea shore,
looking at the tides,
reminds me of the lyfe,
beautiful and wide.


One wave catches many other,
combines,joins and becomes bigger,
doesn't care of what it has,
hits the rock with all it has.


looking far at the sea,
where the water and the sky are same at the infinity,
God is such a wonder,
to design it with such a creativity,
is it reality or a reverie,
to be blessed upon with such a beauty.


Walking on the beach,holding hands, each other,
and waves hitting the legs often,
sitting at the sea-shore with her,
looking at the beautiful dipping of the sun.


God i owe you a lot,
for the nature so beautiful and so her,
i want this life eternally,
me , her and the mother nature.

Hope :)

Lots of things running in my mind,
lots of tasks to complete before i wind,
need an aim to live, hope i find,
before i wind, before i wind.


Should find a love,find a passion,
which would keep me happy and stunning,
Hope is the only thing which keeps me running,
doesn't matter you are losing or winning.


walking on the beach, hands in hands ,
with the girl i love,
Having a smoke, while reading the book,
at a place so isolated,
are the things which keep me spiritied.


Love the lyfe,because there is
nothing better than it,
live the every moment forever,
because its no worth,
feeling dejected about it.

Iam back

Iam pretty content though i havent been able to find a passion in coding, but its good, its logical , its deductive but its not artistic...
but anyhow after into TCS, i am trying to be a good reader. read quite a books after being here. Hope it continues :)

will be back with few blogs in near time :)

AYN RAND

We are generally asked by our friends" If you get a chance to meet any person of any time, whom will you meet",
some say " sachin Tendulkar".
some say john Abraham. Some say, mother Teresa. Some say Barack Obama. Some say bill gates. A few say " warren buffet"
I would say " AYN RAND".
She is the legend, born one in a million, according to me. It would be an overstatement, But if AYN RAND takes birth again , i would propose her, marry her and we will live happily ever after :)

The BOY

Hey back after long time. Its been quite a long time since I have blogged.

From past quite a days, due to different radical transformations happening in life, changes happening and those changes bringing again new changes reminds me of two completely different things.

firstly , darwin’s theory of evolution and secondly game theory. Both seem completely disjoint sets but they have hell of part in intersection. It can be applied to almost all the living organisms, all creatures in all forms, in their physical, meta physical forms.

Darwin’ theory very itself reminds me one line- the survival of the fittest. The strongest would survive. And the weak would bend.

Game theory can be defined as purposeful strategy for the desired outcome.

the human becomes the fittest by himself applying the game strategy with the people he is competing with , in various facets of life. Right from the school , he is forced to be the top performing student without considering even his area of interests. Then at the later stages he is forced to write an exam on every third day during every year from class 7^th. He is expected to perform best and the student in this rat race tries to involve himself, puts his effort at the best and sometimes in vain, starts rebelling with both , his parents and his thoughts. Though the student has not been applying game theory knowingly or unknowingly at this stage , but in the later stages of life, with being hit by various things, people, choices ,starts being manipulative, clever, aggressive and lot more and learns applying applying game theory.

After completing his schooling , he enters college, makes a good bunch of friends, some close , some distant, some new , some old, some good, some bad, some generous, some selfish. By the end of college, he narrows his friends list to a count of 6 to 8 , which he supposes them to be his life time friends.

Then after the college, he enters the professional field where he learns very much about what exactly people are and here he starts applying game theory after being stung quite a times. H then recollects that his friend list is narrowed to 2 or 3 as some of his college friends are now slowly out of touch. He starts scolding himself for being such a loser after having earned nothing much in terms of self respect, friends, recognition etc. He regrets often but gets carried away with many other things which makes him forget lot of depressing things about him.

The guy feels himself interested about a girl at work and he finds ways to impress her. At last somehow he manages and sums up all his effort to propose her, and amazingly the girl accepts his proposal. They guy after being such a loser till now, in his life, thinks of him being finally the triumphant. His relationship is now 2 years old and the relationship blossoms pretty well. Lots of calls, sms’s , outings , tourings , promises, and what not else. And suddenly the girl’s father gets to knew about this and he looks for another guy. The girl’s mother makes a suicidal note saying that if she marries anybody against her wish, she would kill herself. The girl bends here, and they girl parents strategies the situation for their desired outcome. The stronger wins.

Meanwhile the girl stops calling the boy and this guy goes crazy and nuts without her call. He gets to know about the situation. The girl asks the boy to forget about her. The boy goes mad. Here the girl being the stronger, unknowingly strategizes the boy with a desired outcome, not of her, but her parents. The girl gets married to a different guy and the boy is back alone again. He thinks of himself as a much bigger loser and has lost interest in life.He attempts for suicide and he fails. He considers himself the biggest loser on this earth.. The boy parents to make the boy feel better, tries to fix him up with marriage. And then with time, he tries becoming normal.

The boy is now somewhat better after his marriage. Now after 6 to 7 years of experience he earn 50 k per month, has two beautiful kids. He never finds himself perfectly happy, though not sad also.. The life just goes on with same pace, no surprises mundanely. He himself is complacent after considering himself , the biggest loser on this earth.

The boy being bad at moves of game theory, doesn’t become the fittest and hence bends .

PS; I even don’t know why I wrote this. No intention of writing it, but finally formed this way :)

LYFE... an Evergreen Forest

life has been black and white,
some dumb things happen,
and some did bright,
some serious issues happened,
and some super light.

I rather think life as a rainbow,
it is nothing but drops of water,
but when light falls on it,
its shows its heavenly beauty..
so we all are basically bright,
but its just that we need that light,
to fly to heights.

life is an evergreen forest,
cos there is always something to treat for,
life is a journey rather than destination,
cos there will be so many to look for,[:)]

Life just happens this way,
some things goes your way,
and most of the things the other way,
but see the life with a view of an optimist,
to live the life to its fullest.


PS: i wrote a poem after so many days. though my poems and blogs are so bad, still there is friend of mine who still likes it.(weird!)...This poem is dedicated to her on her birthday.happpy bday....keep livin lyfe[;)]

Pearl :)

A rain drop......
Finding its way,
deep down into the sea..
Thinking, it can be a pearl
someday...!!

Live life,
in your own way,
give your best,
and surely comes your day :)