me and my crap

self realization

2012-01-27T06:21:00.000-08:00

I am feeling good that I am starting to curse myself and have taken an initiative to work.I have slept enough and do not want to sleep anymore.

I would like to be the way, I was.Work hard on consistent basis.Doing nothing and expecting things to happen based on the past coupled with complacency is not the right way.

I intend to get back to the things I loved to do once. Read a lot of good books, study and play.Enough of intoxication and I mean it, enough of intoxication.

I will stick to fundamentals.Be honest and speak truth.

I will quit smoking and smoke only while drinking.

PS: testing myself from tomorrow.

Friends!!!

2012-01-22T12:10:00.000-08:00

I intend to know what a term "friendship" is bound @ an IIM is?

I being an impure person, who is pure in terms of friendship here ?

I know friendship is not bound by just a beer or emotions, but to know exactness or inexactness is the beauty of friendship!!'

I have friends in my engineering (at least few) who will f***** care for my life, but can i gain some more further in my life further is my question!!!

PS: I am pure @ friendship only!! I don't intend to publicize.My friends do know about me.

PPS: I am drunk :)

Spirit of an Entrepreneur??

2011-12-22T15:00:00.000-08:00

The buzz word Entrepreneur has quite a weight if you are a graduate from an IIM.The notion that venture capitalists or angel investors are ready to make investments and get their favorable returns is a misnomer.If we consider the legacy of the top 6 IIMs, There will be around close to 75000 people who graduated from these IIMs and just around 1% have taken a chance of an entrepreneurial stint. Of these there will be around 100 who have emerged successfully in their entrepreneurial voyage.

If we consider the parameters such as risk, return and degree of freedom, the risk associated with a high admission fees which costs around 15 lakhs for two years, mostly funded by a bank which charges compounded interest rate is high.There is hardly an incentive to take risk to follow one's dream.There will always be a doubt in the mind of the students who really want to do something for the better.This in effect builds the whole system of IIM's as placement agencies.The frustration of higher deviation in packages leads to race of grades, and flaunting of abilities and qualities.This in turn leads to a frame of mind of higher pays in the mind of MBA aspirants and everybody who wants to earn higher aspires to write Management entrances.All this constitutes a vicious cycle.

There seems to be a solution which might change the system for the better.If the fees of 15 lac for students is forgone, IIMs would have to fund 400 crore through Ministry of HRD.This might put them to a loss for the short term but in a longer term will surely bud entrepreneurs at a much higher rate. Presently , a maximum of around 20-25 opt out jobs every year to chase their dreams but when the pressure of paying back money is taken out, the student will be satisfied at a job which pays low and will look for doing something of his own which interests him.

I again intend to quote my favorite line from "Atlas shrugged".

"World lies in the hands of creators and they are responsible to move the society forward."

PS: Just an opinion, Which makes sense to me.

Banalty-1

2011-12-05T13:01:00.000-08:00

Ahem, Mythology,

Mythology is a well built fiction with a good mix of logic.This has been the reason of its sustenance.
I intend to explain a story which tells about how feudalism and caste ism came into existence.
There were four sects of people, who had contention w.r.t society. Brahmans, Kshatriya's, Sudra's and Vaishyas.

Brahmans had a point that they have the right to teach and nobody else has the right to do the same. Kshatriya's took the right to fight and leading the land. Sudra's took the right of doing respectable occupations like farming,sunaar and lauhar etc.Finally the last guy was left out of dal and hence was called dalit, etymologically, the existence of the name came from these roots.This example was portrayed by a successful Kshatriya farmer who had a "surpanch" from a dalit group sitting at his door steps on no where , where as we were held high and proud with this mythological fable.

The banality of how well the society is progressing has been my repercussion towards Rural immersion.Though it was a tour which had no bounds w.r.t. time, it did provide me an insight about how banal the things were portrait. The poverty was abysmally high with very low levels of satisfaction, but still the people who held government positions intend to prove the fact that the society is towards progress.

Contd......

The Three Musketeers

2011-11-11T06:13:00.001-08:00

All the people of various schools of thought can be broadly classified into three categories.

Firstly the desperado's ,Who are very instinctive on proving themselves.Proving themselves right is not wrong thing to do, but doing it with all kind of means is not viable. A good number of desperado's won't even have a clear sense of purpose but its just their irrational feeling that they are smarter than the world around and want to blow the rest.They believe that they are another Guy Fawkes around and would revolutionize the things.I am not sure whether its their sheer arrogance or their potent confidence.If its their potent confidence ,the world would have been a much better place to live in.Another point is very few have a point of integrity bound with them.They intend to lead the people around in every way possible.

Secondly are critiques.They are responsible for the mess around.They are potent and have a good sense of purpose.Its just that they are better off at ridiculing the things rather than clearing the mess and make the world a better place to live in.They are laid back in their attitude and feel better in appreciating the causes rather than working for it.They believe in idealism and this is one of their biggest mistakes.The often loose the desire to perform and take a beating further by desperado's which makes them reticent further.

Finally are the Followers.They are confused souls and often confuse upon following desperado's as desperado's are quick in achieving results .They sometimes follow critiques because they have sense of purpose.Though in achieving of the final result they have a very little role to play, Its that their stake holding in either of the other two groups boost the morale of that group.

I conclude on the note that critiques have major role to play than just reasoning out as they have to perform to make the world better,Followers have to be more clearer in their decision making and the desperado's have to be suppressed .

Though I have a strong negative view on desperado's but they should cease to exist to make a healthy environment around.

Managament-What does it really mean!!

2011-10-11T15:19:00.000-07:00

Lots of people come up with aspirations of trying and doing different things when they realize an MBA in an IIM.Few people think of exploring various things and doing the best, suiting to them.Some people have a preconceived idea of what they want to do and take all chances to do the same.For some people , money is the most important motivating factor and intend to do specialization in the field which gives the best rewards.Some people feel for their passion and try to live up to it.All this leads to a rat race of grades and placements.

A lots of people are not only concerned about their grades but also make sure that the grades of the rest are not good enough compared to them.A few instances I have noticed made me feel so pity about them.

A notion by a classmate of mine who says that grades are proportional to the intelligence you have and hence I am in race for grades makes me pity about him.

I actually have a confusion.Should I pity for the people who are so concerned about their grades.Should I pity about the people who believe in the thought that intelligence is reflected by grades?Should I pity myself for being lackadaisical and boasting about importance of learning than grades?

Eventually two of the three kinds would be idiots and one will be intelligent.But who will it be and how fair would it be ?

Another food for thought is how relevant MBA is making you realize your area of interest.With the rat race all over and everybody in one or the other way trying to play all the strategies of game theory , how much is each individual's choice acknowledged.Here the comparison of Indian b-schools and the quality of education and learning they intend to inculcate in comparison with the global b-schools also comes into picture.

Is two years a good enough time to learn all the nuances of management?

To my knowledge, the institutions focus more on teaching about how to manage things rather than learning? Is this justified ? Is all the job of them to make us a manager right? Is there any focus on creating things rather than managing things?

India needs more creators rather than managers.Hence the focus of education should be for creating things.This poses another question of introducing degrees which teaches us both technical and managerial skills.

I am reminded of Ayn rand's Atlas Shrugged which emphasizes the importance of creators.In the preface of it , there is a beautiful quote which says World lies in the hands of creators and they are responsible to move the society forward.

My confusion still prevails and I have been trying to find answers for all these questions and many more since I entered into masters of Management.

World!!

2011-10-06T13:32:00.000-07:00

The world is sunk in illusion,so am I,
The world is wretched,so am I,
The world needs a solution,so do I,
World is a rotten place,Can we deny??

Everybody has a Satan in him, so do I,
Everybody has a God in him ,so do I,
The point is how more we are one of them,
and how much we want one of them to die.

Life is reflection of what we think,
Its about living every breath and fly,
Its not a closed box to live in,
We get into a closed box only when we die.

Time heals all the worries and fears,
it teaches all the lessons before we die,
live and learn from life,
so that to the world, you bid a meaningful goodbye.

Change!!

2011-05-17T11:57:00.001-07:00

I am the thought,

I am the action,

I am the change,

I am the motion.

Delved into the deep slumber,

I was completely lost,

a thought then strike me,

but I struggled to fought.

I started to act,

to make a strong impact,

tumbled here and there,

eventually learnt to stand.

My act became my habit,

to an extent of emotion,

I need to bring change,

I believed this with conviction.

I started to convince,

make the people around me to listen,

I took a lot of time,

but i succeeded in my mission.

PS : I tried to explain the first four simple lines in the rest of the poem. I would be happy if anybody would have understood the effort without reading the postscript :)

Entrepreneurs :)

2011-05-11T12:14:00.000-07:00

Entrepreneurship seems to be the buzzword everywhere.Every second there has been an idea thought of, every minute there has implementation of the same, every hour there is company and entrepreneur arising of the idea.

In olden days, the intent to be huge was important rather than the idea as the competition was lesser and few entrepreneurs made it really big.DhiruBhai Ambani, Shiv Nadar, Narayan Murthy belonged to the league who made fortunes with the spirit and idea rather than money behind it.

With course of time, formal courses were introduced to inculcate and promote the idea of business and entrepreneurship.The advent and rapid growth of technology opened a great pavement for different ideas and implementing them.The competition went stiffer and patenting those ideas became the way to make one's idea to himself.The competition is on a high rise now and any loophole in the execution of the idea is leading to its utter failure.The redundancy in the idea can sometimes be the reason of its failure.

To all the wannabe entrepreneurs , just be open to ideas. Right from a pan-shop you have a cigarette at, to the office you work at, there are lots of ideas. The key is to look into the feasibility and impact of the idea.I don't need to quote examples, but redbus.in,dotcabs and many other ideas were the result of keeping the eye open.

I intend to be one of the same wannabe and hope I implement at least one idea.

PS : MBA is not a prerequisite to an entrepreneur. My friends have been entrepreneurs without any MBA and they are doing good. The key is they are still fighting to make it big.There ventures are:

http://acdsmanufacturing.com/ACDS/ ( A manufacuring services start up)

http://www.pluraltechnology.com/v4_2/v4/index.html (An IT startup )

F***

2011-05-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

I am sorry , but really got pissed after reading this article.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/hyderabad/12-yr-old-boy-pushes-girlfriend-to-death/articleshow/8121560.cms

I can't segregate myself by saying it as hastiness of younger generation as I am a part of it.(Atleast I believe so!!). But this article makes me think a lot. Its heights of irresponsibility, immaturity and lack of humanity.

How degraded would be the thought process of the guy , who got vexed by the girl and in course of time, planned to kill her.

Sometimes i feel that I was lucky considering that I wasn't the guy who had a mobile from the age of 10, I wasn't part of the kids who got PSP's in their class-3 .I consider myself lucky that I didn't see any English action flick during my school till 8th.These are responsible to a good extent for illness of the mind.I don't intend to point that movies or anything are bad here, but more is it with the child who has less thinking or analysis quotient and he tries to involve the same emotions that he felt or showed during the movie he watched or the game he played.

Its an over awareness which is working negatively.Its horrendous that the boy had such a thoughts at an age of 12 and more than that, he was not even hesitant to implement the same thoughts.

I hope this article hits strong to all the parents, and they do not let loose their child in the process to make him oversmart.

TIME :|

2011-04-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

For the first time after months, I feel time should run faster. With work being heavy at office, and my master of business administration awaiting, I don't feel like working. I feel like, exploring the new dimensions. Hope time runs faster and makes my life easier, and I hope, I explore the things I really want to.

Can we change???!!!!!!!

2011-03-10T02:41:00.000-08:00

I have seen an instance today where anybody powerful cannot reform or change the things around him.Does system need to change or do we to?? I have been to place where skin is sold and figuratively employment is generated. To elaborate on this fact, a system more robust than a revenue generated administrative service exists, where a penny is even accountable.Its a robust industry of more than 1000 crore where people satiate their desires, where queue larger than a root level ration card queue exists. So its finally on to the people, that is we, who either encourage it or discourage it.I am very sure that an IAS would loose his life , if he intend to change things around him. But would that discourage the people around him who intend to make the change.

   Its an incident which happened at a well known area in Delhi(110006, reminds me of the movie Delhi-6) where human values do not exist and materialistic and libidinous values are satiated. The expected thing with the kind of political system we have around is, nobody will take an effort to change it and if he/she intends to change it, he/she will be no more.

   One more considerable fact i have noticed at the place is , it comprises of around 70% of Nepalese ,which is being heavily contributed by the migration factor, which needs to be strongly addressed.

   The whole point lies in the fact that , there are lots of thoughts around and too less action. We need to introspect on the fact that do system need to change or we, the people, who belong to the system, need to change to bring in the change in the system.

MBA Interviews :)

2011-02-18T12:31:00.000-08:00

a month of travelling ,
boasting about myself,
in an expectation that,
I will be adopted!!!

Some ask what,
some ask why,
some ask when,
I know? , I have to lie?

Thermodynamics 2nd law,
Laplace transform applications,
telecom minister Raja,
Has been reason for many people rejections.

Are ambani's made/Manufactured at (b)skools,
Or are we just another million fools,
Whatever be the reason,
the packages are at which everyone drools.

I want to enter,
with an intention to clean the mess,
and I come out ,
to be dumped into another mess.

PS: to all B-school aspirants trying to geared for B-school Interviews :)

Transform??

2011-02-15T08:57:00.000-08:00

Of late I see everyone defining life in their perspective.I smile and sometimes giggle at them.Its not that i am more rational or smarter than them, but the moment i see someone quoting on life, I feel it funny.There is a paradox here . I once was obsessed with word "lyfe". But now I feel it funny.Somebody talking philosophical sounds funny to me.Earlier, I was obsessed with the same .

Some sort of mental transformation happening around .Its for the good though. It might help in becoming more objective. Anyways, iam doing it not out of selfishness towards becoming objective , but rather, i guess its happening sub-conciously.It feels good to blog after a long time :)

C- Day

2010-10-21T05:07:00.000-07:00

Its now or Never. Mother it , As You have never done before :)

Money,money,money :)

2010-07-23T10:23:00.000-07:00

Money,money , money
money is the honey.
rich man's funny,
because he has got money.

Money, money , money
money is the honey.
Poor man's agony,
life ending in penny.

poor man's struggle,
to make the ends meet,
rich man's pursual,
to throw a big party to friends indeed.

Poor man's reverie,
to send his children to school,
rich man's fancy,
to buy a country house with a theatre & a large swimming pool.

Poor man's life,
a sum of vexation, and a bit of hope.
rich man's life,
a sum of alcohol,women and dope.

Poor man's death,
a great treat to vultures,
rich man's death,
celebration of death perseveres.

Money,money , money
money is the honey.
rich man's funny,
because he has got money.

Money, money , money
money is the honey.
Poor man's agony,
life ending in penny.

FACT

2010-06-20T10:33:00.000-07:00

I hate myself for the things I can't restrain :(

True Love :)

2010-06-09T11:45:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since I met Ajay and I was very happy for meeting him after college. He completed his Masters at MIT after his graduation from JNTU. We met at our home and after he refreshed , we went to Taj to sip some beer. I called Shreya too and she was on her way to Taj.

I mentioned about me getting married to Shreya , the coming month and he was puzzled.He got very curious about how I and Shreya got commited to each other.As I got high of the beer, It reminded me of the most Romantic conversation with her.

"love you till my breathe lasts and after it too", I said.
" love you till my last breath and after it too", Said Shreya.

As you know, we all met her during college days but my feelings for her happened after our graduation. I proposed her . She took a bit of time , and then accepted me.Its been wonderful three years now,and I have been in a great feeling called love.Shreya's parents and my parents are happy for our marriage and Life all seems like the most grateful thing I can have.

We were about to order another beer and Shreya came.We all had a great time talking about college and sipping the beer.It was 10.30 in the night, and Shreya insisted me to wind it up as she was getting late. We finished in 10 minutes and I left with Ajay to my home, while shreya left to her home.It was raining heavily outside.I and Ajay waited for a while, as we came on bike. Shreya insisted that she would drop us home but I said we will manage it ,as her home was around an hour away fom Taj.

In around 15 minutes we reached home. Suddenly Ajay received a call and he said that Shreya had a small accident. We reached hospital, and things around me became dizzy and I fainted.

I was shifted to a ward in an hospital and when I woke up, I asked Ajay about Shreya. He said she is fine and will be discharged tomorrow.I was still curious about her and ran to her ward.I went to doctor, and he said she is in coma , and due to strong hit on her head, It has strongly disturbed her neural activity. She has to be fed, cleaned, for the lifetime.I lost the whole world in front of me.
It has been three months I have been with Shreya after the accident, and I fed , bathed, cleaned and did everything for her.
One day Shreya's parents came to me, and said that they were grateful for my love on shreya, but insisted me that life has to move on. They asked to marry somebody else and assured me that they will take a good care of her. I almost instantly said no, and said I am ready to live with Shreya for my whole life, no matter how shreya is.
Its been 6 years now after the accident, and I am still in love with Shreya. I feed her, bathe her, comb her hair, clean if she is drooling,take her out to places,talk to her, tell about how our love though she cannot comprehend it now,and most importantly still love her, in the hope that someday, she will recover back to normal and my life will be wonderful.

PS: Inspired by a video called "True love" on youtube.

Good and Bad :)

2010-05-18T10:16:00.000-07:00

I always try to find , what can be defined good and what can be defined bad.I have been trying to come to a conclusion, but it is very hard to come to one. But as per my retrospection, I have come upon few postulates.

1. Anything which you try to resist upon , but you still tend to do, can be defined bad.
for example: I try to resist from alcohol and smoking, but still haven't been able to take a complete control on it. I promise myself not to get drunk again, but I do it again. This act or habit of mine can be defined bad.

2. Coming to define, what is good, It is anything you don't resist yourself to do, and you do it, is Good. An Intensified Good often evolves into passion.
For example, I love reading, and I don't try to resist it, and sometimes even after I get drunk, i feel like doing it.
Finally , I want to conclude it with four magical lines of Robert frost, which has an analogy with good and bad.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Dark to Bright :)

2010-04-24T23:15:00.000-07:00

I had just woke up,
looked around for light,
Couldn't track where was I,
Stuck in absolute darkness.

Then there was some light,
at a place very distant,
I tried making sense of the sound,
But it was very feeble.

I tried a bit harder,
to make sense of the sound,
and heard a male and a female,
curiously discussing upon.

I heard them discussing about life,
heard about good times and bad,
I heard them discussing future,

and the times they were happy and sad.

Suddenly world started making sense,
and i discovered that i was in my mother's womb,
the people discussing my future were,
my great father and my sweet mom.

PS: It was a song written by Telugu actor sai kumar.

Motivating Myself :)

2010-04-09T10:50:00.000-07:00

one last time,Seriously one last time.
Enough is enough,
lets retaliate, conquer.
Need to do solid hard work,
need to come on to the top.

Need to be the best.
Show what i have.
like a wounded lion,
need to come back,
come back very very strong.

crack mocks like i have never done.
Toil like I have never done.
Enough of High,the spark would die,
If i go back to high.
Need to buck up,
Wake up Arvind.

perfection is the word,
I should have the choice,
destiny should not be by chance,
I should be able to kick,
I should be able to kiss.

I am definitely not what it reflects,
I know, i have potential to touch the zenith,
but illusions are dragging me down,
I don't want to be a clown,

Master all, not even jack of one.
It can be done.
All i need to show is ,
courage and determination.

PS: just wrote to motivate me :)

WTF

2010-02-15T09:26:00.000-08:00

Pissed off.
I am screwed.
Why am i going through hell.
Should i really bother about it.
I really don't care, but,
Why am i still bothered about it,
Alcohol is the best remedy to it !!!!!!,
I am back in the trap,but i know,
I would soon be out of it .
Where is lyfe leading to,
I am really clueless about it,
I have an idea about it,
but i anticipate it to be different,
because its not lyfe,
If its expected ,
Hope is the cause,
Driving the world,
Overcoming difficulties,
acheiving impossibilities,
Being Content.

PS: Random thoughts :)

Betrayal

2010-01-23T09:34:00.000-08:00

Why do i shed tear,
When i know you cannot be near,
You wouldn't come to my life again,
Oh my dear, Oh my dear.

I know I have been betrayed,
banal were the moments which together we lived,
All the beautiful things were just faked,
I don't want to live, I want to be dead.

You are sole cause of my dejection,
Who moved me to heights of frustration,
I now regret for our relation,
Even if i ask you,you don't have any explanation.

All I do is now cry and cry,
I take drugs, Hallucinate , to substitute your high,
I don't have anything left,
I just want to die, I just want to die.

Though betrayed , I still love you,
You are my insanity,I want you,
You are the only one, Without you,
There is nothing that I can do

PS: Just an effort or try to understand the feelings of person who had a love failure :)

Great , Greater, Greatest :)

2010-01-07T09:37:00.000-08:00

A sequel to my last blogpost.

An alcoholic high this time, though, not the marijuana. :)

Still in search of, what does it take to be great?

I am actually puzzled about how did Ayn rand had her thoughts a century back , which she published in her books!

We still get mesmerized by her books.

How did those thoughts come to her mind!!!

Did she encountered them practically or she saw it through her experience or she was one of the gifted souls.

I regret taking birth a hundred years later.

Its not about just Ayn Rand, it about a lot of people who started simple and ended up so great, so great, that they are a subject of talk till now.

I am talking about Aristotle, Socrates, Albert Einstien, Stephen Hawking, Ayn Rand, and a lot more till now.

What did they have and how did they evolve to get better and better, better than the best, not only of their centuries but the centuries ahead too, till the centuries which had those great people as their benchmark!!!

Will continue the subject in my next one . :)

LYFE....makes sense????

2010-01-04T10:39:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel i will wrap and control the whole world on my fingers.My insatiable desires would be at my feet. I would make a difference. I have something in myself which separates me from the crowd.

Very next second , I feel very ordinary about myself, not making any f***** difference, involved in my own narrow world, with my dead monotonous lyfe.

What does it take to be great.?

I am still in search of it.

Sometimes if i feel the existence of God, i wonder how did he invent marijuana, which later was discovered by man!!!

Emotions fly from the positive side to negative and so is the Lyfe.

I am seriously clueless about what sentences my mind really wants my fingers to type and what exactly is being typed!!!

All i know is , i want to beat this world, the successful people , and want to leave them far behind .

PS: marijuana at its peak, forced me :)

Love :)

2009-12-26T09:51:00.000-08:00

I have been in love with you,

I can do anything on this world for you,

You are the one thing i deserve life for,

you will last for me till my last breathe do.

From the very first moment i met you,

You are my insanity, i felt i really love you,

The moments i spent with you,

are the one i would never forget i know.

I am not so interesting and,

and you are not so beautiful either,

i don't care the concept of soulmates either,

but surely, we are made for each other.

PS: Marijuana after ages :)

Do we need to believe in God?

2009-09-21T09:59:00.000-07:00

We all believe that we have took birth to do a certain task assigned to us by God.God has already decided our fate and lyfe and we adhere to it. We were in some other form in our last lyfe and would be in a certain way depending on the way we do good or bad in this lyfe.This is the principle written in Bhagvad Gita.

Belief in God is a sensitive topic and proving or disproving of it, reaching to a definite conclusion is very difficult.

But I am interested in giving my view points with respect to it and if people get offended by it, I apologize in prior for it.

1. personally I don't like to believe in God. It has a few reasons which might be wrong but let me put my points in a logic so that it makes some sense. As far as my experience is concerned, blind belief in God doesn't prove its point. The belief in humanity makes a bigger sense. If we are supposed to do any task which is blasphemous and it helps a lot of people in a very good way, then we should go for it, rather than backing from it due to our belief in God.

Humanity is greater religion than any other religion. Compassion should be the foremost priority rather than any other priority.

2. I have seen people who do all the malicious things in the world, that is, kill somebody, extort, kidnap and finally at the end of the day, pray to god to forgive their sins. God loses his significance there. If God should have exist, He/she should have been punished by God much early so that he/she shouldn't be commiting more malicious things and by not doing this ,God is allowing a lot of good people to be scapegoats.

3. If there has been one God, it would have been better to believe at. As there are so many Gods, hence so many religions, people killed each other in the name of religion and God , wanting to prove that their God is superior.People still kill each other and will kill each other in the name of God and religion.This is certainly bad. If there has been no belief of God, religions wouldn't have been there and hence ruthless killing of people hungry to prove the superiority of their religion wouldn't have been there.

4.Actually lots of great books teach a lot of good things to follow, but a lot of things in them have been misinterpreted and the people wage wars in the name of these sacred titles, to prove their ridiculous points.

5.If we are able to do things rationally,ensuring that people don't get harm by us, then it isn't mandate that, we should believe in God.

A girl :)

2009-05-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

filled with your dreams,
you are my passion,
can't live with you,
do i need to mention.

The first time i saw you
i found myself in a magic spell,
lots of things to convey you,
but i sware,i don't have any guts to tell.

ohh my girl,i do see,
you have been changing the world around me,
There is nothing i can do,
I have been hallucinated by you.

You are my life ,
you are my zenith.
I only want to live with you,
give me just one chance , and i will prove it .

PS;few posts after being into TCS ilp. wrote most of them while i was feeling sleepy in the class :)

Optimism

2009-05-15T10:55:00.000-07:00

A raindrop,
finding its way,
deep down in the sea,
to become pearl someday.

Live lyfe,
in your way,
give your best,
and don't care of what people have to say.

live your lyfe with lots of love,
and no room for anger and dismay,
have some passion, work on it,
and success will surely kiss one day.

Lyfe is bitchy,a few things happen your way,
and a lot of things the other way,
but live it as an optimist,
to live lyfe to the fullest.

Sea-shore

2009-05-15T10:46:00.000-07:00

Sitting at the sea shore,
looking at the tides,
reminds me of the lyfe,
beautiful and wide.

One wave catches many other,
combines,joins and becomes bigger,
doesn't care of what it has,
hits the rock with all it has.

looking far at the sea,
where the water and the sky are same at the infinity,
God is such a wonder,
to design it with such a creativity,
is it reality or a reverie,
to be blessed upon with such a beauty.

Walking on the beach,holding hands, each other,
and waves hitting the legs often,
sitting at the sea-shore with her,
looking at the beautiful dipping of the sun.

God i owe you a lot,
for the nature so beautiful and so her,
i want this life eternally,
me , her and the mother nature.

Hope :)

2009-05-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

Lots of things running in my mind,
lots of tasks to complete before i wind,
need an aim to live, hope i find,
before i wind, before i wind.

Should find a love,find a passion,
which would keep me happy and stunning,
Hope is the only thing which keeps me running,
doesn't matter you are losing or winning.

walking on the beach, hands in hands ,
with the girl i love,
Having a smoke, while reading the book,
at a place so isolated,
are the things which keep me spiritied.

Love the lyfe,because there is
nothing better than it,
live the every moment forever,
because its no worth,
feeling dejected about it.

Iam back

2009-05-13T10:53:00.000-07:00

Iam pretty content though i havent been able to find a passion in coding, but its good, its logical , its deductive but its not artistic...
but anyhow after into TCS, i am trying to be a good reader. read quite a books after being here. Hope it continues :)

will be back with few blogs in near time :)

AYN RAND

2009-03-21T10:14:00.000-07:00

We are generally asked by our friends" If you get a chance to meet any person of any time, whom will you meet",
some say " sachin Tendulkar".
some say john Abraham. Some say, mother Teresa. Some say Barack Obama. Some say bill gates. A few say " warren buffet"
I would say " AYN RAND".
She is the legend, born one in a million, according to me. It would be an overstatement, But if AYN RAND takes birth again , i would propose her, marry her and we will live happily ever after :)

The BOY

2008-11-21T11:42:00.000-08:00

Hey back after long time. Its been quite a long time since I have blogged.

From past quite a days, due to different radical transformations happening in life, changes happening and those changes bringing again new changes reminds me of two completely different things.

firstly , darwin’s theory of evolution and secondly game theory. Both seem completely disjoint sets but they have hell of part in intersection. It can be applied to almost all the living organisms, all creatures in all forms, in their physical, meta physical forms.

Darwin’ theory very itself reminds me one line- the survival of the fittest. The strongest would survive. And the weak would bend.

Game theory can be defined as purposeful strategy for the desired outcome.

the human becomes the fittest by himself applying the game strategy with the people he is competing with , in various facets of life. Right from the school , he is forced to be the top performing student without considering even his area of interests. Then at the later stages he is forced to write an exam on every third day during every year from class 7^th. He is expected to perform best and the student in this rat race tries to involve himself, puts his effort at the best and sometimes in vain, starts rebelling with both , his parents and his thoughts. Though the student has not been applying game theory knowingly or unknowingly at this stage , but in the later stages of life, with being hit by various things, people, choices ,starts being manipulative, clever, aggressive and lot more and learns applying applying game theory.

After completing his schooling , he enters college, makes a good bunch of friends, some close , some distant, some new , some old, some good, some bad, some generous, some selfish. By the end of college, he narrows his friends list to a count of 6 to 8 , which he supposes them to be his life time friends.

Then after the college, he enters the professional field where he learns very much about what exactly people are and here he starts applying game theory after being stung quite a times. H then recollects that his friend list is narrowed to 2 or 3 as some of his college friends are now slowly out of touch. He starts scolding himself for being such a loser after having earned nothing much in terms of self respect, friends, recognition etc. He regrets often but gets carried away with many other things which makes him forget lot of depressing things about him.

The guy feels himself interested about a girl at work and he finds ways to impress her. At last somehow he manages and sums up all his effort to propose her, and amazingly the girl accepts his proposal. They guy after being such a loser till now, in his life, thinks of him being finally the triumphant. His relationship is now 2 years old and the relationship blossoms pretty well. Lots of calls, sms’s , outings , tourings , promises, and what not else. And suddenly the girl’s father gets to knew about this and he looks for another guy. The girl’s mother makes a suicidal note saying that if she marries anybody against her wish, she would kill herself. The girl bends here, and they girl parents strategies the situation for their desired outcome. The stronger wins.

Meanwhile the girl stops calling the boy and this guy goes crazy and nuts without her call. He gets to know about the situation. The girl asks the boy to forget about her. The boy goes mad. Here the girl being the stronger, unknowingly strategizes the boy with a desired outcome, not of her, but her parents. The girl gets married to a different guy and the boy is back alone again. He thinks of himself as a much bigger loser and has lost interest in life.He attempts for suicide and he fails. He considers himself the biggest loser on this earth.. The boy parents to make the boy feel better, tries to fix him up with marriage. And then with time, he tries becoming normal.

The boy is now somewhat better after his marriage. Now after 6 to 7 years of experience he earn 50 k per month, has two beautiful kids. He never finds himself perfectly happy, though not sad also.. The life just goes on with same pace, no surprises mundanely. He himself is complacent after considering himself , the biggest loser on this earth.

The boy being bad at moves of game theory, doesn’t become the fittest and hence bends .

PS; I even don’t know why I wrote this. No intention of writing it, but finally formed this way :)

LYFE... an Evergreen Forest

2008-06-17T01:04:00.000-07:00

life has been black and white,
some dumb things happen,
and some did bright,
some serious issues happened,
and some super light.

I rather think life as a rainbow,
it is nothing but drops of water,
but when light falls on it,
its shows its heavenly beauty..
so we all are basically bright,
but its just that we need that light,
to fly to heights.

life is an evergreen forest,
cos there is always something to treat for,
life is a journey rather than destination,
cos there will be so many to look for,[:)]

Life just happens this way,
some things goes your way,
and most of the things the other way,
but see the life with a view of an optimist,
to live the life to its fullest.

PS: i wrote a poem after so many days. though my poems and blogs are so bad, still there is friend of mine who still likes it.(weird!)...This poem is dedicated to her on her birthday.happpy bday....keep livin lyfe[;)]

Pearl :)

2008-04-26T13:11:00.000-07:00

A rain drop......
Finding its way,
deep down into the sea..
Thinking, it can be a pearl
someday...!!

Live life,
in your own way,
give your best,
and surely comes your day :)

FINDING NEVERLAND :)

2007-12-08T03:08:00.000-08:00

Amar left to watch the movie , which was on due for long time. He was waiting for this movie from long time, and finally it hits on the screens. He just had one or two friends in the college. And after joining the job, he justs goes to office, does his work and leaves to home. He did quit alcohol as he didn't had any social companions to drink with. He thinks , alcohol is meant to be shared with the persons you are emotionally attached with, and he didn't had any after leaving the college. But he couldn't quit the cigarettes , because he feels cigarettes are the companions with whom you can share your solitude with.

His life was going routine and he was pretty ok with it. "Mighty heart" was really superb and it did really hit him right on the nerves. Why does this al qaeda and other groups do these things and what is their objective? Ruthless killing of people for their demands.His mind started wavering. When would the world be filled with peace, joy and happiness, with no bloodshed killing.Why does always good people have to be the victims.

He was completely driven to thoughts while driving and couldnt see on the truck coming from the far end, and when it came really close, His nerve impulses started responding and showing reflex arcs. His body was in a mixed reaction. Some of it felt," its too close now, give it up". Some of the other though knew it was pretty close, wanted to put up last effort or the last attempt for rescue. And so due to all confusion and vain effort, his bike thrashed to the truck.He felt a hard blow on his head, and thought that he is about to kiss the death. He just wanted to rewind and go back to see what has he had done till now, before kissing the death. He remembered him being the class topper once, his parents which he could never forget and then his college friends then his job. Thats it. He pitied himself for having such a worthless life.He was skeptical about missing something, and he did. Suddenly her beautiful face stroked on his mind.She was the most beautiful phase of his life.beautiful, elegant,sensitive, charming and ...he was looking for words to describe her.But he couldn't imagine they being parted. They were together for two years and then after the college, she was forced to marry some other guy, and Amar couldn't do anything. He lost the elixir of his life. His life without her was pointless.Aah, the time was over , the death came.It kissed sweetly, cuddling him to sleep forever. He thought death would be a hard thing to happen , but it wasn't.

You have done no good, and u don't deserve to be there anymore. He responded instantaneously, I don't want to. Its really bad. There is no worse hell than that.I couldnt get one thing i really lived my life for, and i don't want to be back on that hell anymore.
He felt somebody hitting on his face, and tried to opening up his eyes. It was his parents. His mother was crying and daddy was trying to keep him in conscious. He was taken to the operation theater and this time, he fought with death and emerged victorious. he didnt had any cause to live for, but had hope . His life was at worse now, and there is always something better than worse. He had hope of something better in life. God is really crazy and so is our fuckin heart . It can find the Never land. It can make anything possible. Who knows, he may find the spirit of his life again. May be not in the same form, but something different.

PS: three or four days back, i along with my friend were talking about unexpected death, And this crap came out of that. :)

Being a TRADER

2007-11-23T11:48:00.000-08:00

Thanx giving continues and so is my holidays.
Seeing that, there is nothing in particular to write about, i felt like writing about my profession.

I am a Derivative trader cum analyst in one of the leading trading propriety firms in the the world, which by the way in India, no one has any kind of idea about.Everyone knows about Google, Satyam, infosys, TCS but no body knows about Goldman sachs, Duestche bank,J P morgan or Futures First.
Trader sounds so weirdo in comparison with software professional or software engineer which almost 75% of the engineers are destined to become after their engineering.Only the name tag differs over there. Let it be Google, oracle, Infosys, microsoft, IBm or anything.
I was recruited for almost similar kind of job at TCS .

CODING.
the name itself sounds to invite millions of problems. C, C++, JAVA, JAVA++(does JAVA++ exists??). Every day a new version or new babykind of its own with more flexibility and with much bigger complexities.
I guess i have made a pretty good decision by opting to this life of being a trader rather than being a software professional.
Trading life is in fact not always a cake walk. Its in fact comparable or analogical with an equilibrist on a tight rope.It sometimes looks as if u r a disgusted moron,dumb ass , frustated with life. Sometimes it also makes you feel top on this world, The hero of this era.
It makes u feel the extremity , roll a coaster journey without u being anything experienced in personal.In fact, your emotions go that strong that you generally don't feel the emotions. I mean to say that even the big problems looks pretty simple ones after the hard days of trading. It makes u to look on your mistakes faster and learn from it. It says , there should always be a "learning" from mistakes. convert your mistakes to opportunities.

Its really great being as a trader. Considering the tags aspect here too, the Google's, yahoo's and Microsoft's of this profession are Goldman Sachs,J P Morgan, Morgan Stanley and quite a few.
A recent news in some paper and articles made me feel proud about being a trader.

1. Deutsche bank, one of the leading investment banks, had a loss of 5600 crores in the last quarter made by 14 traders(only 14...toooooo much) which is almost 5% of indian GDP in one year.
2. If Top four investment firms, Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley , Meryill lynch, Duetsche bank close up, The US economy would collapse and would go into immediate recession and will take atleast three months to recover from recession.when the Big daddy turns sick, the whole family too. It will hurt the most of the nations, which has acquisitions with US.Which implies almost every nation would get affected.where as thats not the case with yahoo and google's.It will have impact, but definitely not as big as by these investment firms. The world's money lies here. and this all is controlled by hardly 200 to 250 traders who hedge over billions of dollars everyday. They "make" the money.
so i want the power to be driven from my side. Though i have shown you zoomed up part of this version, i still want something of this similar in the future lying ahead :). probably the greatest Loss maker of Deutsche bank or Goldman Sachs. :)

CATia 08 :)

2007-11-22T12:02:00.000-08:00

Thanx to the thanksgiving celebrations in London , New york, Frankfurt and all over, i got four days off in a row.Finally could find a time for myself :) . Its been quite a happening week. I just got over a sweet haunting,been waiting for this day from past year, but grapes are sour again.

CAT....
I guess this would be my second girlfriend through out my life, though the first one always tends to changes every now and then. I keep trying to propose her, sometimes, through weekly practice on Sunday, sometimes waking up late nights watching movie and finding new ways , new strategies to make her convince that i am good enough for you. And after a kind of("kind of" because if u really work hard enough with your heart, every thing on this bloody hell[earth] is possible, may it be president ship of USA, may be being the richest or anything, is possible) hard work which i very rarely do, I guess i got rejected by her again.(though results aren't out, i am kind of convinced that none of the seven gals will accept my long heard proposal).
There is always something special in this gal friend of mine. Every year, it dresses in new way, throwing surprises, sometimes shocks, and i am weirdo who loves surprises and shocks(though haven't handle it any good anytime.)
Hope to throw out my laziness and put my bum on the chair to work hard enough to make me good enough to stand along with her next year:)

leave stub and live lyfe :)

2007-10-30T06:23:00.000-07:00

leave it, throw it,

come out of it,

hurts you, kills you,

why is it a habit??

you are dying,

you arent living,

then whts the point in trying??

you are a moron,
you really suck,
come on, come out of this junk.

would you live with it and die,
to get momentary high,
or get out of it,
and make it really high.

dont look for the reasons,
to get rid of it,
instead get rid of it,
and make the life an eternal autumn season.

Heart :)

2007-09-22T00:51:00.000-07:00

crumbled into pieces,
i need to make a way of own,
its so hard to start on,
but i know, if u have for it,
u gonna definitely make it smart.

phases and changes are very much required,
when in , by life, you r fired,
so think of the changes as the optimistic notes,
u have been carrying in your memoir,
which later become moments to cherish upon.

things are best done,
when u put ur heart in to it,
so, give ur best shot to it,
cos, one shot do not miss the chance to blow,
opportunity comes once in a lifetime, u better know.

DOWN :)

2007-08-04T03:31:00.000-07:00

Lost in the jungles of unproductivity,
loosing on my passion,
loosing all over the "opportunity",
down at my lowest point,
things reaching at the acme of complexity,
really, why am i getting so dirty>??

i know,
i should transcend my limitations,
i know,
its not worth doing, what you don't like
i know,
Its life ,doing what you been dying to do.

i know,
where am i going wrong,
but , i know that,
in me, i can't bring that reform,
but ...
i don't want to die as a fucking coward.

RAY :)

2007-07-05T23:19:00.000-07:00

Plethora of thoughts rising in the mind,
hoping my cluster of emotions to unwind,
pulled by the gravity of the situation,
would i stand on to the expectations.

Iam going numb for the way things are going,
alone iam vexed, iam dying and dying,
but there is still a ray of hope,
the hope that keeps me alive,
Anticipating, for a pleasant sunrise of my own.

Standing still for a bright sunshine,
waiting for a day of mine,
hoping that my day would come,
give your best, but don't always expect it to happen,
because expectations are the causes that let you down,
So smile always , whatever goes on.

PS : Poem after a long time, THis is the first poem after i joined up my job :)

Tagged :P

2007-07-01T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well, i have been tagged by Daman.Iam gonna tag 8 other people now and would like to know 8 facts in their life. i felt like confessing upon few things, and here it is,

1. Iam a hell of crapper. I always think one thing or the other. I think on unnecessary things. some times i do feel like iam an over thinker. most of the times I analyze things my way, and most of the times, they go other way .

2. To me, There are two facets of life, they are - living life and analyzing life.You cant reach on to the top with satisfaction and content by following just the one of the two.Livinglife is freaking life, being momentous with life, living life as of for now. Where as analyzing life is like looking upon the future commitments, and hopes.To be successful in your life your way , you should balance the both facets efficiently .

3. The 90% of your success depends on the partner you choose.This is the one of the biggest decisions you make in the life. So, think aptly and sensibly. Dont compromise at this, in your life.

4. I love talking philosophy. I love talking on objectivism, analytical philosophy, logistic philosophy. I hope , my future gal loves talking philosophy . I hope, i talk philos every morning for hours, having a coffee with her.

5. i like to party with my friends, especially the alcoholic ones, because they bring out the emotion element much faster , when alcohol sums up in the void.

6. As my aquaintance and intimacy with the people develops on, i have a bad element of giving leniance to them. This is the bad thing i need to come out from, because , it does effect me sometimes.

7. Though i don't work hard at all, i have lots of hopes and aspirations on me. Lets see, if any of them gets fulfilled :)

8.I have kind of developed my reading and writing habit two years ago and iam really enjoying it. I am a complete freak of non- fiction now and iam trying to stuff up my first novel too. Hope, it gets published :)

INSPIRATION :)

2007-06-21T11:36:00.000-07:00

I have been the crappy guy right from the childhood. I have done so many messy things, but hats off to my parents, who chide a bit, to bring a good change in me and have been back at me always supporting me.

I owe a lot to them .

i was really a dumb student in the class, but i feel that ,its really my parents consistent hardwork on me (which is not so easy thing on this earth, consistently trying to make me better ) that made me come up some what better, than i was actually in my school days.

In my school days, i got addicted to video gaming and i started burning my dad pockets. I got addicted to such an extent that i even started picking up bucks from my dad wallet.

There is a crazy incident one day . I as usual [:)] picked up a 50 bucks from my dad's wallet and he caught me, red handed. He said me to take the money and go for gaming. i took it and went out. The evening, he brought me the games player, so that he can see any kind of positive change in me.I was too young to grasp the moral that time.

One thing i have a noticed a lot. The way you are brought up is been shaped up by your parents firstly, and by your friends. The parents do a lot , especially father to bring down the son to the right way, constraining from going into wrong paths, and at the same time working hard to fulfill his son desires.

I had fleed away from my home around in 7th , becuase i thought my parents don't want me to realize my ambition , that is ,to be a cricketer.Really those immature things are the ones you cherish when you get big and old.

Last month, when i was filling up slam book, i got to encounter a question

what are your strengths.???

Its not that i havent faced this question before. I have faced this question quite a lot of number of times,at filling my curiculum vitae, in my interviews and many more times. But, to act accordoing to the situation, i have boasted up so many things to justify myself a brillliant , analytical and yet a down to earth guy. After reading up the question, I was curious and i asked my innerself , what actually my strengths are...

The first thing my inner self said is...

who has been the one who has been with you always right from the start???

who are the ones, who will accept almost any of ur mistake..???

Who will be there to think of you all times, always.....??

Who will be the one with you, who always give, without expecting in return??

The next second i answered to my innerself,
bingo, MY PARENTS.

They are my biggest assets, my strengths, my source of constant motivation, my inspiration.

My dad always tries to make my list of desires fulfilled and my mom has always been the loving, the caring, still treating me as a small child cuddling me.

I know , i havent been the best of the son, but DAD and MOM , I LOVE U. :)

PS: I have written a personal post , after a long time. I just felt like doing it, to dedicate one to my parents. :)

INTROSPECTION :D

2007-06-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

i have been blogging regulary from the start , but from the past two months , i havent blogged at all. Probably iam just not getting any particular thoughts, or iam busy scripting for my first novel.yeah, iam stuffing my first novel.It about me and my friends life.Its about all the messy things i have done along with my friends. Actually we have experienced enough of shit to frame a story. The story with a justified ending( i suppose the ending would be justified).I have a got a source to give my best, to vent out all my thoughts, emotions and philospohy and i would never back down this opportunity(i hope).I have read a blog recently, prescribed by a friend of mine, and some stuff of it really moved me. I was inspired to blog again. Blog back again with my frequency i used to do.
one of the posts of his inspired me to write about many thoughts.It raised a quite a number of questions to my innerself and iam gonna ask it till i get a solution.

I hope i have some time machine which atleast give the solutions which are pending on to the future :)

when would i will be content with my life??

why am i loosing my innocence??

when would i be feeling guilt conscious again??(i used to feel it previosuly, but kind of lost my track a bit now)

why does alcohol makes you to to run away from ethics(sometimes, its the addiction iam talking about)

how does fagging makes you feel , that iam thinking and thinking productive??

when would i start working on my dreams??

is there like something, called perfect match?? (how does that comes into lyfe)

am i living lyfe or am i dying slow???(living is synonymous with freaking and loving life where as dying is synonymous with degrading, adulterating)

am i better now or was better previously??

when would i have control of senses, that is when would i quit from my addictions??

when would my decision influence thousands of people, and my good one would help a thousands!!!!!

when would i get my ideas realized(its ideas iam talking about, not dreams)

Does any change in us leads to good???(dont say that depends on the type of change)

when would i stop thinking in transitional way, that is a blend of two,(i want to think about the things in black or white way, good or bad way)???

what is that one thing for which I can sacrifice my lyfe for??

would i be content with my lyfe when i die???

what exactly is a peaceful death???

Iam habituated to loose everything, but i wouldn't lose upon my ethics, my morals.

MOODS.... :)

2007-06-07T13:33:00.000-07:00

Compatibility and Comparability

Compatibility and Comparability----- these two nouns aren’t as simple as they look . I have a very bad habit of finding analogies, and applying them to the weird situations. The things that happens to us and to our surroundings makes us to think on different kinds of analogies which in fact sometimes doesn’t proper fit in our present situations. Still we don’t stop finding the analogies and analyzing them. In fact , it wouldn’t be wrong , If I say that these two terms individually and in together are applicable in almost all concepts .Everything. Lyfe, philosophy, science, law, Politics, social history, psychology i.e almost every facet we are dealing up in our lyfe.

Applying to lyfe, the principles of compatibility and comparability ,the goal or aim we are striving up depends on our compatibility , that is , we tend to check over the potential it requires and the potential we have. Here the relative net potential accounts for the compatibility. Comparability comes in the roll when we tend to surface on the relative approach and relative potential and caliber.
I have discover this concept a few days back and applying this concept to various situations has been funny nd retreating.In fact, applying it to my life has been much funnier i can say. :)
______________________________________________________________________

LYFE SUCKS

To be apt and true in my thoughts, this mechanical life sucks.No one tries to do or be the different. Every one is running over the common(partially me too and i hate me for this). Life is getting crappier and crappier. In fact, a degraded lump, havin no innovativity.The thing is , we are trying to be so optimistic in everything, that we are not efforting for it whole heartedly. Infact we all are following the thought
" optimism - a reflection of skeptism.
If we are doubtful , we are no way thinking on to the hard side of it.We are feeling ourself the best without checking over the reality and and our limitations. We all just want to retreat the life and make it a happy seldom without exactly realizing our thoughts. We know that we are Deviating from our morals , ethics, ideas, aims, goals and still we dont work on it ,to make it any better.

PS: I had an idea of writing a post half in half in two different moods. Seems my mental status after the mood affected the post :)

Cause....Existence....God ...Lyfe

2007-04-02T09:08:00.000-07:00

Everything that happens to us in our daily mechanical life makes us to think over what exactly humanity is, what exactly compassion is, and is there any existence of GOD, and if yes , how can we strive to reach the God. Is God really an idol, a thought , a power, an energy or is it a mere hope in us which makes us to strive for achievement, perfection, salvation and complacence.

The series of introspection would definitely give us some initiative regarding the existence of the God and its cause of presence.

My* crap theory would give an idea of the existence of so many religions and its divisions ( I suppose ) . I strongly believe in the word “everything happens for a reason and every existence has a cause.

]Based on my idiotic reasoning, I have propounded over a theory whose essence is as follows :.

1.Everything that occurs is because of energy, which can never be created nor be destroyed but transforms from one form to another form which can be termed as 'cosmic' energy.

2. As human faces many problems which can not be solved by himself,he looks for someone else who can solve his problem, that is ,in other words he tries to find out the means which can give him relief

3.we ought to believe that everything runs under some energy which we do not know and may be we can term it as an ‘impersonal god’ and as said, god thing is infinite,no religious god is the perfect answer for 'god' since any religion is limited.

4. If there is a body which can solve the (so-called) problems of all,which can give relief ,then it can be treated as god and eureka, here comes the existence of god, a personal god.

5.Till now no body( anything sacred ) could give ‘solution’ to all the so-called problems, its role was limited and that is the reason why people found so many gods. This means there is nothing like 'god' found till now .Man does not know the exactness of anything. This is the reason for the existence of so many (so-called)gods and religions

6.one has to study every religion and know the reason for its creation, existence and extinction. Then he should try to satisfy its purpose and make his purpose out of it.

7.The solution of man’s every so-called problem lies here, giving no-importance to sensual, emotional attachments and the resultant pleasures and grieves…realizing that they are momentous…thus living the life being non-attached.

Based on the theory above , I have defined over what actually LIFE is and its quintessence is as follows:

1.The real pleasure of life lies in the emotional attachments, and this pleasure is being given secondary importance as we are running towards momentous illusions which enthrall for the short time leaving us behind in the values of humanity and compassion.

2. The exact bliss of life is finding a cause to live .Life is all about discovering your passions, frame an algorithm to seize the opportunity you are really craving for.

3. Reform is what we need to strive for to make the world a much better, livelier and happier place to live in.

4. Don’t tend to compromise with life as life is all about aspiring for the best, giving your best shot to it, succeeding at it and later recalling , how beautiful life is.

5. Wait for the right time to go for the thing you are really desperate for.You would get enough chances in life to prove yourself worthy to deserve the thing you are really desperate for. The ‘GOD” element is testing over , whether your desperateness is long lasting or a momentous illusion.

LYFE.....the magic cycle...☺

2007-03-18T11:55:00.000-07:00

Live the way you love,
love the way you live,
the pretty moments ,
the gurgling incidents,
the sniggering narrations,
of the liveliest enjoyments,
the unknown expectations,
continuous fairer sex iterations,
and then its popped out situations,
which later become source of entertainments.

The time you have spent with vodka,
to vent out your frustations,
to bring out your emotions,
this is what the life is,
life without all these,
is just no way close to,
what actually life is.

The time comes when
you are out of the coll"age",
there would be no such friends to get engaged ,
you and your solitude ,
would be your companions,
and your life would be a one dimensional array,
with office and home its elements.

because when you are far of friends,
your are in trans, an unexpected vaccum,
starving for the friends,
occasionally sobbing for them,
sharing philosophy, expressing emotions, experiences,
when you meet them after a long time.

Now comes the fairer sex element in your life,
you work hard for the girl you have liked,
but when you realize she is no more in touch with you,
you think of when & where did you met her first,
get complacent with what you had in the past,
regretting, why do time runs out so fast,
and again think of the moment,
that when did you met her last.

Life just happens this way,
some things goes your way,
and most of the things the other way,
but see the life with a view of an optimist,
to live the life to its fullest.

PS: i was a bit down thinking of the future ahead after three months.When you are emotionally down, thoughts run so fast in you. This is my stuff and i dedicate it to all the people close to my heart.(it may sound childish) Love u buddies.☺

requiem for a DREAM....

2007-02-26T21:35:00.000-08:00

It was a great opportunity to prove myself, in the whole life. I have been burning mid night oil to prove myself this time. This opportunity if I prove myself this time, would let me open to my the one dream I have been dreaming from long time. This opportunity is no more than a preliminary but I am in trans because of the fret of proving my worth in this preliminary which would lead to my actual reverie which I am desperate to make it real. I was all done with my preparation for it . I lived dreaming about it, working on the dream until I was content that if I get a chance I have the worth to prove myself. I had ample occasions of breaking the ice swiftly but as the routine part of my life , I let the opportunities slip away from my hand. Encapsulating my thoughts , hard work , and passion would be a very difficult thing, in fact impossible. In fact , I am a more of a day dreamer , because I try to live life myself, my way. That is I analyze things in my way, feeling the element of success every time I get reminded of my passion.

It was the D day I have been waiting for the long time. I woke up dreaming the same dream again and again . I was content with the home work , I have done for this assignment but was feared of losing the things narrowly. This is because I have missed hell of a things narrowly. So I didn’t want to take any chance when I am so close to my dream .

I woke up with my eyes resisting a lot ,to see the world and for the day I have been dying to see. I went to wash basin , tapped and spilled the water heavily upon the face trying to throw out the every lethargy to recharge myself with complete spirit. My thoughts were completely dominated only with my dreams ,dreams and dreams, which if I do well may come out true. The vision of accomplishment was appearing in my eyes.

I took out my bike and started the engine. I was going at a brisk pace listening to my favorite tracks on a rush road. I was 4 to 5 miles short of my destination. I looked at the watch and felt that I was getting late. I accelerated the bike to around 90 kmph , while in the middle of the road , there was a boy of around ten with some wrappers in his hand. I tried to avoid the boy off from my vehicle , but I was too fast to avoid him.I gushed the bike into the boy and couldn’t help out. I felt very much gulity .The boy was bleeding profusely and I hadto decide between my dreams and the boy’s faith , both of which were completely in my hand. I just gave a thought and decided to take the boy to the hospital. I took the side of humanity in front of insanity, that is my long lived dream. The boy got heavy wounds on the leg and was bleeding profusely. I took him to the nearby multi specialty hospital.The doctor was treating the boy and I decided to take the boy along to his home.

I was a bit grim for losing over my dream.I had prepared for it from the past one year and I couldn't show up this year.But there was a feeling of satisfaction as I was doing some good instead of it.The boy regained normalcy by the next two days.

I had a nice chit chat with the boy. His father was a local farmer and he committed suicide last year because of the unpaid debts. His mother makes some local munchies , which the boy sells to make both the ends meet. By the time he told about himself and his family , we reached his home.It was a small space roofed with plastic sheets and the space was just enough for three people to sit up. After listening to them , I came back home at around 8 in the evening.Some of the thoughts of them were undigestable.I was thinking about them the whole night , instead of thinking about my dream which I do very often.

It’s a vicious cycle. A boy goes to vernacular school because his father is a farmer and can not afford expensive English school for his son. Then his son is not allowed to write the final exams because of school fees which remains unpaid due to bad crop this year and due unseasonal rains because of global warming. The farmer is under 3 lacs debt and finds it impossible to make ends meet, thankfully he has a bottle of pesticide which he drinks due to helplessness and government ‘s mismanagement of funds. He dies, his son now is a school dropout but he cant follow his father’s profession because there is no money to restart all over again nor can he end his life like his father because who would look after his mother and 4 young siblings.

The mother makes good local snacks so he somehow manages to borrow few hundreds and asks his mother to make snacks like khakra, chakli, namakpaare etc, which he carries every morning and sells door to door in the city but hardly any one buys it. It not hygienic nor does it have any of those fancy packing. He one day goes to this girl’s house in the city who like the other munchies and refuses to buy it because she prefers “Lays” potato chips over “khakras”. She works in a call centre, speaks English, earns 20 thousand a month and feels proud to be a part of “India Poised, India Shining, India Rising” She feels proud because she is a part of this young and happening crowd of India’s “Generation Next” . She earns for the Americans and then she spends her money on Lays, Coke, Nike shoes and Swiss Spas. Her mom any way has to cook dinner because even if she also is a part of “India Shining”, she at the end of the day has to cook dinner for a family of 4 no matter how tired she is, the dinner must be served hot and fresh. So she goes to the vegetable market and thinks of going to this vegetable selling lady who happens to be the farmer’s widow (the widow decided to sell vegetables like potato, green chili, lemon, ginger etc to support the family after her husband committed hara kiri) . But the lady on her way to this vegetable selling lady happens to see a new super market which claims to sell everything under one roof at a very affordable price. And it looks posh also. So she changes her direction towards that super market leaving this widow vegetable seller waiting for another customer who would prefer to buy vegetables and other groceries as it used to be in the olden days.

This super market is an American chain and looks stylish. People are flocking it because end of the day a wife still has to cook and clean after the board meeting is over. The hard earned money of their husbands are spent on these super markets and the American owner thanks Indian middle class for their generosity for making this American owner more rich.

In the mean time the American super market owner with money earned from Indian middle class tells the Indian Government that it wants to open more retail chains. So the Government which has been elected only by 50% of Indians by will and rest 50% by booth capturing and not elected by people who think voting is a waste of time, election day is a holiday so might as well go for a picnic, who work in call centre and do not get time off to cast vote and the call centre cabbies who have to drop the staff to the company (so many votes wasted) . So this Government procures land in the name of SEZ and retail boom and development and gives it to this American owner at a very affordable price. This land is procured from farmers by making false promises to them, because in any case the farmer would eventually commit suicide and the sons would sell silly stuffs like khakra and not use the farm land to make a living. The widow would need a hospital when she would grow old and frail but there would be no hospital because the land has been given to someone else in the name of “Development”. The boy now would need night shelter to spend chilly nights because he had to sell his house also, but there would be none available, no “anganwadi” available for his young siblings also. There would no free schools also because all land has been given away for making roads to accommodate more cars, more malls, parking spaces, amusement parks, call centers etc. But what to do life goes on, so this boy gets married like the so many out there, have children like the so many out there but where would all the children live? They need houses. So lets cut the forests and cover the sea to make way for our houses and get land and more vacant land. So the tiger dies, the cattle survives and eats more and more grass lands making it bald, barren and lose. So next year of “India Shining”, people die due to land slide, commit suicide because of unseasonal rains and floods, famine, droughts. But the super market building does not crumble due to any of these natural invited calamities as it is made of stuff which are made in Japan. But the American owner decides to try some other market because people here are no longer spending and making him rich since they are more busy settling their lives after all these disasters. So the retail shop, call centre closes down, people lose jobs and the government does not have enough grains in the grainery to feed the hungry because the farmers who were the “Annadatas” had committed suicide long before and their sons dread to continue the same profession.

I was completely disturbed in my thoughts .When would the India really move forward ? When would the disparity end between rich& poor? When would the social barriers in this society die? To me, there is only one solution to this long running problem……

THE YOUTH……….

They have the potential to knock out the problems India has been facing.

LOSE YOURSELF............

2007-02-13T10:57:00.001-08:00

Hunger , this word can have plethora of contexts ,but to me, hunger reminds me of a small boy striving hard all the day on the street for a few alms so that he can have his poor appetite once in the whole day . Hunger is the greatest cause for death in the world. About 7000 people die everyday of hunger in the world. For every five minutes, a child below 5 yrs, dies because of hunger.

India is a great country and is growing most rapidly after china in the world. Its GDP is growing by almost 9 to 10 percent a year. This really shows greatness on the part of India and India is been considered along with US and brazil as the most prosperous countries. But are we really moving forward in this race. Is the growth we are talking about is reaching to the abject and miserable to whom its impossible to have a meal a day. I am really poor at stats, but to my knowledge, India has one of the lowest per capita income in the world after Africa’s most unluckiest nations like malwia and Bolivia. India has the highest number of people below the poverty level. India is one of the nations in the world with highest amount of corruption. According to a survey conducted in the western countries, India is most threatened place to live in after Pakistan .India being one of the largest agri countires has one of the lowest growth in it.

India has an epic history of producing world’s greatest protagonists like mahatma Gandhi , world’s richest business tycoons like suneel mittal , great brains like ramanujan , C.V .Raman .We had and have everything what a developed nation needs , but to me the effort is in vain because we are not striving hard enough towards the solution of the problem. The solution lies in the hands of the people, but they are in real deep slumber .

Why are we so busy with ourselves and our problems .Why are we living life to the fullest when there is a hell of problems present , which we need to empathize upon and work in its direction towards its progress. Why are people so particular about their particular things when there are lot of other things to visualize and think over them.

We need to wake from up from our deep slumber .We need to visualize our dreams , and work on them. we need be visionary and should work to be a winner.The thought process of the people should shift from particularity to universality.This is because the real pleasure of life is, when your thoughts run for people and their welfare.The fame you attain by doing good to people motivates you to work persistently for them.

In the recent movie ‘GURU” ,a good movie after a long time, one song captivated me , but I want to modify its lyrics a bit.I didnt like the idea of the song. The lyrics of that song again motivates to a deep slumber and dream. In fact it should inspire to wake up from the sleep . Have dreams , visualize them, and work over them. Dreaming again and again would give nothing, until we work towards it.

Jaage rahenge der tak, kuch soye huve ko jagaane dho,

Thodi si neendh kaafi hain, kuch der aur jaan lagaane dho,

Aadhe adhure kwabh jo pure na ho sake,

Un kwabhon ko hakeekath mein badalne dho.

PS: The first and second para of the post have no relations directly , but i wanted to express over the biggest problem being faced.The subject of my post shifting from particularity to universality.hopin this crap to recieve token of appreciation.

JUNK TO MONK & THEORY OF INFINITISM

2007-02-06T08:26:00.000-08:00

Do we really need a particular day to convey our thoughts or our thought process to a girl. Do a particular day is biased than any other day for conveying over your EDISONS BULB .I don’t think so. Wht really matters is appropriate substantiation of your thought process which is very rare .The plethora of thoughts is really worthless if it is completely on the analyzing side and not on experimental side.

you should have experienced junk to be a monk.

That is you must have tasted the bad along with good to justify which is good and why .The terminologies, what , why , how , when ,who are explainable only when you know what is wrong and for what is it wrong.

Is there anything like someone is made for you. Do people go for chance rather than choice in the life. Seeing life from a broader perspective would give the generalized solutions but its difficult to reach a particular solution through generalized solutions and its what we are trying for and dying for.

getting particular to generalized in your thought process makes you feel that you are going mature and sensible. Getting generalized to particular is being hasty and shows your desperateness upon something. It shows a mode of transformation in your thought process.This also shows a sign of you, suffering in the future.

Everything on this world is made of two counter flippant sides, just like the two flip sides of a coin. One side completely counter of the other, one side completely unaware of the other, one side completely unknown and irrelative of the other, one side completely independent of the other side, but these two things in together make infinity,. these two unaware and independent sides make out the things complete ,these two elements in together make out the universal set, this seems so amusing.

The scientists are on search for the universal theory which can explain behind the every human thought , every human emotion, every fiction, every fact, every law.
I really wonder can one universal theory can complete justify or substantiate everything on this world, the way everything is made, the way everything can be made, the way everything can be created, the way everything can be supported, the way everything can be destroyed , but I still strongly believe, there exists such unique theory which can completely reason out all the cases.

I think karl max’s Das capital, Darwin’s Theory of evolution and hellen keller's MY LIFE which deal with most of the subjects fairly , philosophically and psychologically , if get united do have the potential of bringing out the universal theory –Theory of infinity. The theory of infinitism , the universal theory will be able to explain the every human emotion in its own way, defining over the every odd human emotion in the way we want it to be.

Sometimes I wonder is everything that happening around are mutually exclusive events or independent events and the conclusion I have reached upon is everything is related , that is ,all events are dependent on the success of relying event. The events are inter dependent and the success of one event relies on the success of the dependent event which in itself explains that everything in this world is made of two counter flippant sides and those two sides in together make out the universal set but the problem lies here is , the probability of success is always very less,most of the times tending to zero.

Such a low probability event makes the life more a struggle than a cake walk. Life is no way a cake walk. Its our struggle for making the interdependent events successful, in order to make our one successful.

The other way of percepting is an analogy.

Life seems to be a struggle between fantasy and reality .The more we try to be in the fantasy world, the more it pushes or drags us to the unpleasant reality. But we want to be a part of this sucking struggle saga of reality and make this reality transform into the fantasy we desire to.

Considering reality our event and the fantasy , the event whom success we are relying upon. As the counter independent event is fantasy, its almost very low chance of getting it happened and we found ourselves struggling between fantasy and reality.

Living life to the fullest in itself seems to be the most banal and hackneyed cliche .There is nothing like living life to the fullest. You just seem to extract something satisfactory out of the nothing. Analyzing the life with perspective is much more than living the life. Analyzing life seems to be a practical expression with a sprinkles of living life.

Analyzing over things is really enjoyable than living life, because , while analyzing we think the things our way and hence feel the element of success .

Based on my observation and analysis I have made till now , I have framed laws which are completely crap and are based on the experience till now.

Law of Transformation: The Transformation in human thinking can be categorized two ways and the following deductions can be made depending upon the mode of thinking he delves into.

If his thinking transforms from generalization to specific, he gonna face the bad music..The journey ahead wouldn’t be a cake walk.

If his thinking transforms from specific to general, he is learning from his mistakes,he is thinking good, thinking well enough matured, or at least seeming to think matured.

When you are in a real strong dilemma or trilemma [:)] and you need to make a decision(sometimes you are not required to make a decision though ), just close up your eyes and think about the thing you are striving for.Assert over the thing and decide , are you really deperate about the thing you are striving for.Think it in the long term sense and decide upon over the things and forget it .Dont make your mind think about it again and again.its because repititive thinking of it would not anything better .

finally i want to convey that improvement in the thought process is required to make ourselves better over things .To analyze over things well to live life and lead life successfully.

PS: Its been really long to get done with the blog.I actually merged two different subjects into a single post.One thing i have found through this post is , i have found myself contradicting over my things and supporting at the very next time.Agaian a dilemma[:D].Hope my crap philosophy would recieve a token of appreciation.

EMOTIONAL FOOLS (this is for u [:[)] )

2007-01-20T08:00:00.001-08:00

DUMB & NUMB

Perturbed by the emotions,

Confused by the notations,

Lost in the deep jungle of imagination,

I am still striving for my conviction,

Without checking over the complications,

Leaving me with no options,

And kill out my navigations.

Everything is going above head,

Nothing is going the way, its said,

Everything is seeming so odd,

There is nothing to which I can hold,

I think I am living dead.

Everything is on the air,

There are many things I should do, alas, I cant dare,

Everything seems so distant , nothing is near,

bring me to life , oh dear,

I don’t have the liberty to cry a river.

PS : this seems so funny and hilarious. I tried to crap a poem and this turned out to be a complete kindergarten school " RHYMING POEM " . anyhow..done wid my poem, so its your turn to bear it now.I think i can coin a new word which you gonna sense and feel after seeing my blog regularly "BLOGOPHOBIA". [:D]

Kith & Kin.....

2007-01-05T11:21:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when we look back over the relations ,relations we are in, relations we expect to happen, relations we expect to blossom, relations we want to fade out(there are some things we want to escape from) , relations which fade out with time ,without our control though we don’t want them to fade out , relations we expect to go on as the life goes on. Of all the relations, we expect some of them to be special. Its human's most common trait. He is expected to do crazy odd things otherwise he wouldn’t be called human. We try to seek intimacy from fairer sex but most of the times, things go in vain leaving us frustrated. The human mindset is such that, though things are difficult and impossible to him, the things seem to be easy and moderately difficult to him. He doesn’t tend to give up till he completely drowns into the whirl giving him no chance to come out , drowning him completely into the deep depths.. The analyzing part of his , tries to, make him new experiments everyday. Not everyone, but some of his analyzing experiments get launched. The imaginary illusionary fantasy part of his awakes and gives rise to different products in his mind besides some useful by products.

Each relationship has a time frame, which might had been decided before hand or decided by the situations the relationship grows/ falls into. Usually, the time frame is till the purpose has been served to either one or both the individuals involved in the relationship. But there are some relationships which don’t stand for a purpose. There are some relations which have no purpose element at the backdrop. It has affection, care, love and pamper element.In this relation, there is just the affection and love element and there's no more added element involved in this kind of relations. Relation between a parent and child, relation between siblings, relation between a happy couple , relation between best friends do stand on as examples for this kind of relations.

The everything you try to involve in , may be a relationship, a thing for which you are really desperate of, any attempt for a big achievement for which you are desperate in your life, its Only when you realize the reason behind your want, which shows your desperateness to achieve it. The stronger your reason to achieve the desired thing, the more desperate you are to achieve it.

Of all the relations , the purest is between a mother and child. the tenderness , the purity ,the insanity which exists between a mother for his/her child cannot be observed anywhere. Just observe the affection of a mother when the child is ill or been hurt. The worry element on her shows the extent and degree of the motherness. The care of her on the child is heavenly ,In fact defining the motherness and the mother’s affection in a single word wouldn’t be possible. motherness is the quality of a goddess which tries to fulfill every wish or boon of the child ,though the wish is impossible to fulfill for her.

The next comes , the relationship between a father and the child. The father tries to be the guide of the child till the end of the journey ,chiding him sometimes to resist him from going into the wrong paths, helping him sometimes in the difficulties ,inspiring him sometimes. He is the caretaker of the child’s career , the guiding hand. Though sometimes the form of relationship differs from a father & daughter and a father & son , but at the end the things are very close to differentiate.

The relationship between siblings is one of its kind. They fight, laugh, talk ,share secrets which cannot be shared with parents (sometimes some thoughts cannot be revealed to parents). There is a lot of friendship element in the siblings relation. The transparency appears so well in the relation. The chemistry between them is really amazing.

Though being in such a hearty relations, the male element still strives for the female element(sometimes the flip side of it also happens), and the transformation in his thinking can be noticed. Even the transformation in his thoughts and thinking follows a particular law which hasn’t been discovered yet. (I am in serious search and research for that law, so that to find it out and grab the Nobel ) The possessiveness and intimacy towards the counterpart increases exponentially. Then the actual drama begins. The law is – the mindset of the male fraction complete depends on the response of female fraction towards him and the reaction of her towards him proportionately and exponentially influences the mindset of male fraction after the response. The half life concept is also applicable to this poor guy. The decay of him is directly proportional to the amount of alcohol he consumes. [:D]

If the result is at least partially affirmative , the amount of time he wastes doing crap is really a fast and high going skyscraper with respect to time.…similar to the curve of a fast growing software MNC like GOOGLE or YAHOO. The heart starts taking control on him leaving the poor brain behind.

In fact every common guy wants heart to rule over rather than the intelligent mind or brain. We tend to give a little soft corner to heart rather than brain. May be this is because heart makes us to do what we like without applying any logistics , reasoning and all, rather like brain which tends to do everything logically. Just like in a theory, where in there are ideal and practical cases, Heart can be attributed to ideal case, we love to follow them , but in most of the cases they don’t happen. At the maximum, the result tends to be maximized( near ideal)giving optimized efficiency. On the other side, the thoughts of mind are practical, can be applied and can give you results when applied with brain, reasoning etc. Still we go with heart rather than with mind. Poor mind always turns up on the loosing lonely side when compared to heart.

This experience ( the whirl he had fallen in) if stays for a long time, post effect teaches him to be practical and logical(after the failure) .This way the things go on. Therefore, We should try to analyze and introspect over the things once in a while , but repeated analyzing makes us confused ( more than we actually are) and frustrated. Just try to live the life and introspect it once in a while. Have one or two friends who can bear you and hear you[:)] till the end of the journey. Relations have a lot of significance in the aftermath , so try to keep the relations as healthy as possible.

Finally, Just live the life, if you are feared to analyze it.

JUST............ LIVE LIFE,STOP ANALYZING.

PS:Thoughts flowing in mind.These thoughts are post CAT .Any kind of regret or gloomy element in me makes to blog.Actually when things are gloomy , you do only two B's. The first is blogging and second is......(You might have guessed) .These are really great remedies to vent out your crap. Thoughts iterating in the mind again and again but no solution to these thoughts even after infinite iterations.Have a number of hopes and aspirations but donno know when gotta have them fulfilled. I wish, i have a TIME MACHINE so that i can discern my future and try to have control on it instead of analyzing the future.(:D)

CONCEAL to CONSOLATION

2006-12-30T12:15:00.000-08:00

She looks damn pretty when she makes dumb face gesturing with hands, biting her lips trying to explain that she has no idea of the thing, she is being asked. She is really my life. The oxygen. I just cannot imagine my life without her. I cannot forget all the dreams I have of her. I cannot forget all the moments I have spent with her. The walks in the rain, the coffees with her, the time with her in the college, in the canteens, where I ,having a romantic and flirty conversation with her, and then the entire tone was perturbed by my friends who just don’t have any other work except wasting time hanging at canteens disturbing people cracking their so called jokes(they are completely in humorous and 100% injurious), the movies I went along with her(I am so unlucky that they didn’t left us here too, making my life miserable, though she was comfortable to their jokes, I was getting irritated to the highest degree biting my teeth plotting to kill one of them, so that I can get my privacy back), the jaunts to temple along with her(I am a complete atheist and she is completely my contrary, the great god believer I suppose on this earth, in fact , if God prioritizes a boon according to the piousness, I bet she may top the list) , the long chats with her at night where I used to ring her up every night. I am really poor at remembering dates and numbers(I have forgotten some very important birthdays), but the moment I was in love with her, I used to remember the time ,date, and the number of times we met at a particular place .(the analysis of these things shows, how crap you become when you fall in love).I used to watch the astrology everyday on television, used to read astrology in the newspaper, and used to do every crap possible which makes me, think of me along with her. The moment I think of her, it made me remember of some number which had the crappiest significance.

It was the fare well day where I almost confessed my concealed thoughts, kudos to the little amount of vodka , which tried to kill the coward in me and give birth to a valiant chap. All the things went well , and when it was my turn to the get on to the podium, I with my dancing legs(of the vodka),stand still on the stage, tried to bring out my emotions, but seeing the whole crowd in front of me , I went numb. I saw her giving a kind of blush( Omen :) ) , but feared of the negative consequences(which I cannot digest) , I got zipped completely.

I regretted like hell for not expressing my feelings. Its been two years now and we are in two completely different places, million miles apart. I , doing my masters in science at harvards while she was doing her masters in business administration at IIM-Lucknow. The things are very comforted now ,chaps to the networking world which made the things so easier, so easier to vent out the emotions, frustrations , thoughts, dreams, desires and…..

She was really passionate about becoming an entrepreneur , that too in FMCG sector. I remember , I used to banter " you look more a saleswoman than an entrepreneur". I loved the way she gets angry on me when I say this. I called her ." I am coming next week", ms. Saleswoman. This time she didn’t got angry and instead was jumping with joy .

I had many candle light dinners and dates, they seem so common in US, while this was certainly special to both of us.(at least for me). The ambiance was just perfect to settle in. The light was just perfect, provided along with enough privacy(I was happy of the privacy as I don’t used to get privacy with her that easily :D ).We talked long, very long. We talked about our college days, friends, her parents, about her masters, about my masters. In short , past, present and the future. Now we are about to end up with each other in a month. We are getting tied into the so called social custom called nuptials(marriage) and are really keyed up to push our plans.

We planned for a get together with our friends during graduation , we throwed a party together, and we all people met discussing the crap ,the things we are up to, the shit things we have done till now .I am gonna party later in the night along with my friends, venting my emotions , post vodka( :) ).

That’s the end of the long boring story.

Moral :

Its actually complete fiction but still tries to throw some moral, so catch it. Be patient enough to convey your thoughts .You would get enough chances to convey them , but conveying them at the right time is important. Both of the persons should be in an intimate relation, where the words should not play a major role the tacit ness should itself becomes a language to communicate, you will understand everything of each other so well, and the implications itself would suggest you of the further future consequences.

PS; All the characters in this post are imaginary and any resemblance with anybody is purely co-incidential.( :) ).I couldn’t found a better theme and so compromised to a routine love story. Hope , my attempt is at least satisfactory.

ANGEL................

2006-12-25T10:17:00.000-08:00

your love is like a star,
shining in my heart,
lightening up my life, its true, girlll,
i never felt this way before,
i keep want it more and more,
what would life be, without you girl.

you shown me the love i have never seen,
you like an angel in my sweetest dream,
you have given me my world,
i couldnt find you out, my girl,
iam not able to see anything real,
i know,no love would love this.

oh my, oh my ,
i never wanna say you goodbye
how much you mean to me,
i realize, i realize.
come babe, baby come close,
i may never gonna let you go,
how much you mean to me, do you knowwwwwww...

you have shown me the love i have never seen
you like an angel in my sweetest dream,
you have given me my world,
i couldnt find you out , my girl,
iam not able to see anything real,
i know,no love would love this.

you are the girl i have been living for,
i dont want to lose anything more,
just be my life and bear me once more,
so that i can repent for all, i have been regretting for.......................

PS: when you are real confused to do something, the poetic hormone(if it exists)
in you makes you to write complete crap. I couldnt convey the thoughts and emotions in right proportion, but wanted to put it over here,so bear this.Sometimes you find it difficult to choose between choice by chance or chance by choice and then things will......(lite le lol).I will wind up here,dont want to irritate and confuse you much more than you already are... :)

THE YOUNG GUNS OF INDIA

2006-12-18T10:59:00.000-08:00

Things are going real fast and the competition among the things is getting stiffer and stiffer. People are striving for the best of the things available and are trying to be the best. All this shows that people are getting real smart and sensible and are trying to reach to the Pinnacle in the field they are striving for. The generation present seems to be a lot more sensible and smart than the past generations. The COMPROMISE element is no where visible in the present generation which is a good sign showing their undying determination.

In this run to reach the best, the people are running off from the morals and ethics. Money, vitamin-m , is being considered the supreme power. People are trying all the good and bad means to accomplish the desired thing without the consideration of morals , ethics and values. Love is getting defined only in the lust sense, and the compassion is losing value in this edition of the present world. The definition of mankind is being manipulated .

Its not like that things are going completely wrong but things can be done much better than they are now. The younger generation really has that potential to set the things right , but they are getting off track because of the illusions which give short term pleasure. They should think of the things at a much larger scale, which is probably missing.

The outcomes of the things should be considered at a bigger scale with broad mindedness. The aftermath element should be taken into the consideration for the things you do. Compassion should be treated the ultimate religion. Religion has nothing to with caste and creeds, the bloody barriers, but this term is of much higher plane. Learning up from life and thinking reasonably and logically, helping people, being compassionate is the Universal religion.

The youth now if they don’t get deviated by the fantasies can really show there bang and eradicate the problems we are facing.. Poverty, hunger , ill health, corruption are the root causes which are backing us from being developed. Every doctor has the potential of exterminating the problem of ill health. every rich enterpreneur can take a hand in solving the problem of poverty.we should get concious of the most common thing that every IAS officer has the potential of controlling the factor of corruption. Every minister has the capability of controlling these problems. But the bigger problem is , we are not striving hard enough to get rid of these devil factors. Instead we are getting corrupted and contributing to the make the solution for this problem complex and difficult.

If we really work from heart hard enough , these problems really don’t require any five year plans and all, allotting them a specific budget.

Ultimately working hard with compassion is the mantra to be followed to make this world much more beautiful and livelier place to live in..

PS: i know i really go nuts when i try to crap something senssible or something which requires sense...par kya karoon...aadat se mazboor hoon.....

on a more serious note, i think the young guns of inida should really show their guts and leave their footprints behind...........

HALF TO COMPLETE...........

2006-12-12T13:42:00.000-08:00

I am almost half dead.

The thoughts were still bogging in my mind and I was still in complete shock . Why did the things went so wrong .Where did it went wrong. In fact I was questioning myself with all the different kind of pronouns (why, where , how , what etc.). It was two in the late night and I was along with my friends. I was really sad and was really feeling to cry and bring out my pain and sorrow that time but seeing that there is no one who can really understand my pain, I just kept on filling my void with the alcohol. I was really crying inside but couldn’t let out my pain. I was feeling like an Adam without any Eve or a soul without any companion of an intimate soul, desiring to burst out my emotions. people all around me were dancing with joy , while I was in no mood to celebrate my trounce over there.

I was in confused state of mind. Mind and heart were really going abnormal, so I thought of taking a wise decision of keeping my thoughts aside for a while and celebrate along with my friends. The alcohol took control in the case of rohit and was making him dance upside down and he tumbled awkwardly falling on his face.

I was virtually dying for a cigarette .I opened the cigarette pack, but there was not even a single one in it. I had an impression that fagging makes you think more, better and wise. I went out for cigarettes with my friend on my motorcycle. While akshay was driving, my mind was trying to process out the algorithm of the scenario, from the start till the end to bring out the loopholes .I couldn’t find anything but was still trying to find out something of the nothing. Akshay killed the engine and we were again with our great buddies- vodka and cigarette.

Now the alcohol was taking control on me too and I instantly picked up my mobile and dialed the most dialed number on my mobile. It was ringing loud but there was no response. I got reminded of the past where we used to talk about the language of souls and omen and used to say to each other that if one really thinks of someone from heart, the person on the other side will respond instantly .

At that instant, I really felt, there cannot be a much bigger toxin than our past itself, there cannot be a bigger devil, bigger enemy than our bloody past. It tortures you the every present minute of yours making your life miserable. I sent her a 3 or 4 short messages conveying my deep thoughts clearly. It wasn’t me actually. The alcohol inside me was trying to be my helping hand but the crap non-living thing really didn’t had any idea of the fatal outcome which was about to come.

Time got 2 in the afternoon the next day and I was in a hang over. I was feeling a strong hammer being hit on my head sporadically. I tried to find out my mobile and I saw an sms which blew me completely. Anshita committed suicide. My whole world shattered into pieces. I went out to her home and saw her corpse lying down. I just couldn’t make out what to do and tears rolled down my cheeks. I came out in a short while and I tried to find out the reasons of her giving life imprisonment to me. Asha, whom I knew quite well , the closest pal of Anshitha came to me and handed over her suicidal letter.

She commited suicide because she was not able to decide between her parents and me. Her parents actually warned her of me and I, the stupid was upset of her because she was not intimate to me from past few days .She could not handle the pressure of her parents and at the same time was feeling guilty for not responding to my constant calls, meetings. Her parents actually emotionally blackmailed her saying they would eventually commit suicide if she doesn’t listens to them. My poor Anshitha crumbled to these circumstances and gave me enough pain( than it was yesterday) to live the whole life thinking, listening, feeling, crying dying her. Now I am complete dead.

PS: i was actually thinking of giving my try on a tragical love story.i felt writing it after seeing a friends blog...... .I had no idea of the theme but things got formed as i started crapping in.I started at 1.30 and now its 3.3o. I hope my attempt is atleast satisfactory.

waiting for the comments for my first tragic attempt to a tragical lav story.

CAT-- ER--PILLAR

2006-12-10T09:27:00.001-08:00

Hmmmmm
what to say,exactly one year back I was one of the frantic aspirants of CAT….joined the coaching ,did all the loudening,full hyped,just similar to the celebration festives that happens to a scapegoat.

--------------------------------------CAT-05--------------------------------------------------------

I woke up quite early today at around 5.00 . I struggled to get out of the chains of laziness , i guess with the strange gestures of mine. I was waiting for the newspaper boy to deliver the paper. The newspaper guy hasn’t arrived yet, so tried to check over the last two or three days back newspaper. I saw a cat paper model in education plus column.I tried to solve one or two problems feeling that this would give me a warm up to the exam. I solved a passage, 3 or 4 quants, and a DI set if I can remember. Time was around 6.30 now , and the newspaper arrived .I saw an article regarding cat,1.75 lacs people writing cat hoping for the creamy pays any guy would dream to. I closed the column after reading a bit of it and started looking over metro plus and page-3.Things were boring there , so stopped reading newspaper and started listening to some soothing linkin park tracks and A R Rahmans.

Time was getting 7 now and so i had a shower and had an ok kinda breakfast .The time was 8 and as my conveyance was sucking bloody APSRTC bus, so went out to bus stop by 8.2o, and caught the bus.A kind of funny incident happened over there. A serious aspirant of CAT met me over there. He was damn nervous just like a nerd on the first eve of his marriage. His legs were shaking .He was infact pronouncing his centre instead of saying his destination. Poor guy. I Had an ok kind of tete-a-tete with him and by then I was at my cat centre at around 9.20 and there were till some 10 minutes left . I had some tittle-tattle with my seniors over there.

I went to the hall to face the music of the most talked, most hyped exam that is the DEVIL CAT. I entered my room and checked over my place. As the instructions were about to be delivered ,i noticed that there was angel kind of girl sitting in parallel to me ,the next bench, just next to me. The exam started and I did some quant of around 40 minutes. Though I had no idea of the pattern , I noticed three sections been given , so allotted 40 minutes to each section. As I felt that ,quant was my strong section, i started over doing the quant sums.I was feeling damn lazy. I did sum 40 odd minutes of quant and next tried to attempt an RC passage.I was held back by the acts of the angel like gal sitting behind me. Her beautiful hair were repeatedly falling over her ear and she was trying to put them back, sometimes with her hand and sometimes with a hairband. She wasn’t doing the test seriously(I felt it after , she wasting around 10 minutes for setting up her hair )I was distracted and started noticing her cute acts and by then I already wasted 10 minutes looking at her. After it , I started looking over the passage and everything was going way above my head and and even the pronouns in the passage were difficult to grasp. I attempted 2 or 3 questions for the sake, though not being sure for any of them.I attempted some jumbled sentences,and then attempted a 1 marker set in DI and a 2 mark set. The test got done and in short time , announcement of leaving the hall took place.

I was in a hurry and was trying hard to look for the angel . Alas I missed her and couldnt found her any where. I gave a thought to the things for around 2 minutes and then told to me...LITE LE LOL…….

Post cat; attempted 31 questions worth 42 marks, Scored a good percentile of 96 in maths ,70 in DI and a filthy 33 in EU/RC.(L), missed the angelL :( :(

PS: Done with my semester exams and the management entrances , and now being completely at leisure, its making me, pen over the every crap.I must say you should crap everything that comes to your mind, cos

you may forget the precious things and moments, if you dont crap all the things, which you may regret a lot.
It improves your analyzing habit(its my opinion completely)
Its fun..LOL...passing your time when you are completely unoccupied.

mohandas ARVIND KUMAR gandhi.........MY EXPERIMENTS WID LYFE :) :D

2006-12-06T10:51:00.000-08:00

Things gonna got to say this way,

this would be, yeah , my day,

all I got to do is , give a real good shot

strike the iron while its real hot.

This time , things gonna be my way,

the day coming ahead would be my day,

i really want to crack a big jackpot,

but that should come to me ,

deciding that do I deserve it or not.

Life is a chain of complexities,

with constantly changing priorities,

with a lot of adversities,

but don’t look it that way,

see life as an undying insanity,

see it wid enough clarity

to rid off all the complexity,

and improve its quality.

Life is about applying your philosophy,

its about finding your ecstasy,

its about looking for your intimacy,

so think well in the life,

to LIVE LIFE KING SIZE.

PS :my second bad attempt to crap something poetic. still it needs to be edited .Lot of editing left still.But felt like publishing it first and editing it on the improvisation of my thoughts :)

CONFESSION -- a preconceived notion

2006-11-26T11:32:00.000-08:00

We generally confess our guilts expecting certain outcome from the other side.We think logically of the outcome and then to gain that outcome we tend to confess the guilts.This is not a confession but clever estimation of the things to gain the ball in our court..Confession in true sense is accepting the guilts without thinking of the outcome , being innocently honest.Then the true sense of CONFESSION is accomplished.

Some times i really wonder....are we truthful to ourselves atleast or we are just boosting over the things to show that we are super sensible.The things we think and the actions we perform have a kinematic link between them with degree of freedom three[:D](even i couldnt understand the logic for degree of freedom)
Thought and action are two very similar things.....the difference between them is we tend to back up from our thought by illusion or some other means where as there is no room or chance for us to escape from action. Thought can be said as immediate present and the action its very immediate future.So we should think sensible enough to make that action count or else...the outcome is crappy unproductive act.This reminds me of the punchline of WIPRO.... applying thought.So we should apply over the thoughts and make those thoughts into a productive act.
We should not back up from our thought if we are really determined for it.

THINK THE THING YOU THINK,
TILL THE MIND BLINK.

We should be passionate enough to show our madness towards it.Consistency and hardwork is the key to carve your path to success.Have someone your idol and put up a consistent efffort to work like him.(not being like him).
Keep having a constant source of inspiration and motivation.

for all your days prepare,
and meet them ever alike,
when you are the anvil,bear;
when you are the hammer,strike

Just wait for the right opportunity to come and give your best shot to it.GIVE UR BEST SHOT...ELSE DESTINY DECIDES...This again reminds me one of my all time favourite song...eminem's ......LOSE YOURSELF...

one shot , do not miss the chance to blow,
oppurtunity comes, once in a lifetime,you better know.

but even after giving your best shot, you couldnt get any near to it , then the best thing to do is....follow the hungry fox principle,THE GRAPES ARE SOUR.There is nothing wrong in accepting your defeat or mistakes.I say acceptance make you feel guilt and this makes you overcome that mistake desperately.
you need to have atleast two lifetime friends(besides your parents and the better half) who are ready to bear you till the end of the journey.
I know that iam very bad at doing or preaching good,but still wanted to bring out some of my crappy thoughts.There are still a lot of crappy thoughts running in my mind....kicking me to convert them into unproductive acts, but kudos to me, iam still holding strong enough to bind my unproductive crappy thoughts in the vestegial part of my brain(donno where is the vestigial area of brain....instead i think whole of my brain is vestigial ) [:D] .I Still want to hold my thoughts long enough and vent them out when the right time comes..
If you are lucky enough to find your intimacy and acquaintance element in the early stage of your life, the probabilities of you making big are really high.To me,
------------------------LIFE IS A COM-PROMISE---------------------------------
compromise doesnt mean getting adjusted to things,but this word has much more meaning.Etymologically,COM means together and promise is keeping of a word.Being so close or having so much affinity to share ur close things.So COM-PROMISE is being together,living together developing affinity towards each other.It shows getting together,developing the affinity element with time.It is being intimate,having the tacit chemistry where you can understand everything of your mate without any involvement of the verbal part.So keep looking for that intimate element in your life.
I want to make my life count and that too on a big(real big) platform.Lets see if life permits me to come out with flying colours.
This post might be a bit boring...but iam really convinced for substantiating(CONFESSING) my crappy thoughts over here..So i think now the title is justified, Dont you?
..............................KEEP LIVING LIFE, STOP ANALYZING.............................................adios[:)]

COMPLICATED......... my crap in poetic form......:)

2006-11-01T08:45:00.001-08:00

Sometimes the things in life go so complex.....and bizzare.....that you tend to..... stop thinking productive....and you will think just crappy.In this poem,iam trying to express frustation in a poetic or ballad form.This poem kind of thing is little bit inspired from the GOD looking gal ...Avril lavigne . She really rocks....great singer.....wid great looks nd great attitude....this poem tries to explain the frustation of a boy for a gal ........

i look, but you dont look at me,
i like, but you dont like me,
all things are going so dizzy,
thoughts are going so crappy,
why do all the things in the life get so complicated,
she is like an oscar where i dont get nominated,

my thoughts all over for you,
my life just made for you,
these thoughts are making me so frustated,
why do all the things in the life get so complicated,

iam going just mad for you,
i say i cant live without you,
i know all this is foolish,
but still cant get out of it,
your image is making me so captivated,
why do all the things in the life get so complicated...................

I have tried all kind of stuff,
i have tried smoking
i have even tried boozing,
but nothing makes me as wild as you make me addicted,
why do all the things in the life get so complicated,

This is my first silly attempt to write silly thoughts in a poetic fashion. I know it sounds so childish but still wanted to bring out a very very poor poet in me.... i know i am not gonna get any compliments for this, so waiting for hard crtitcs to comment on this poor stuff....... c ya.........

A Lav triangle, splitted at every angle.....

2006-10-23T14:35:00.000-07:00

The boy was completely new to the place....far....very far from the place…where his home used to be.The new place made him cozy and uncomfortable,where all different kinds of souls were gazing this boy, the glutton guy,the lean short fellow, a gal with really cute preity (pretty) dimples, a gal wid really cute smile but with awkward spectacles of the thickness of binoculars,a stout gal, who was looking ready to go to score the next gold medal in weightlifting in the coming Olympics…which our poor country INDIA has been desperately trying to whittle.

To the boys good luck, the souls that were gazing at him , turned the other side, while a voice was keep on running at a high pitch in the new place.The boy was not at all listening to the voice. It was now his turn to look over , to take a glance of the souls which were gazing at him till now.This became his daily schedule for many days..Till he got aquainted to the souls along with him.

The boy was really bad at mathematics,so he joined tutions to improve at his numbers, which he was so bad at.The boy was really fond of the idiot box(as he had no idea of the networking world that time,which he later got to knew,and his addiction shifted towards networking from idiot box), than working on numbers. The boy got to knew the different human emotions by watching number of things on the idiot box, and the fusion of his thoughts,along with his confused minded thinking made him know the crappeist[some say its the best, while it has been the one thing right one time, and the other, the other time] emotion, which we call "LAV".The boy was noticing a gal while the same gal was constantly noticing the boy(though the boy was not that good looking) and this lead the confused curious mind of the boy felt the superhuman emotion called "LAV".The boy somehow could manage to top the class, while thinking of all the crap stuff(which he downloaded directly into his mind from the idiot box).Anyhow due the exams and stuff, the boy couldnt effort on his mind to think about the crap stuff much and so,this made his first infactuation("LAV") boil out from his mind.He was at that time too young and confused mind to think seriusly about this stuff.

As soon as he was done wid his 10th, he was thrown into a so called college, were he had just the correct time to make up for his studies, and for his friends.So he had almost forgotten the gal.The boy though not that talented ,was lucky enough to get into one of the premier colleges.The boy was good at making good friends, and he found some good friends who matched his frequency. The destiny had something different to write in the boy's fate. a latter gal entered into the boy's life.The boy was really desperate to have this gal, whom he really liked true from his heart. The boy approached the latter gal through a wrong way, and made some mistakes.Meanwhile the boy met the former gal accidentally and the gal invited him to a coffee nearby.They had a gud conversation cherishing school life memories, and then ,at sudden, the tone of the gal changed.The boy didnt expected the gal would say this, but this made him put in dilemma...to choose one of the two...The former gal who has been a good buddy to him ..who made the boy felt the superemotion first time in his life, or the gal who he has been desperate of.

The boy anyhow could manage to come up to a decision and after thinking a lot ,rejected the former gal. Meanwhile the boy was having sour time wid the latter gal and the things with her just faded away very fast with time.The boy could somehow managed to come out of the trans(really a brave boy).

The boy was now introspecting over the things.he felt he was in a love triangle, which now in course of time splitted into each angle. The angles being the former gal, the latter gal and thirdly, his life without any one of the two in his life.The boy who was now a good thinker, after getting practicality, was real happy with the third angle life.(though the boy was still holding a chance of approaching former gal again, still chances are good there,but the boy didnt gave try again to former gal again).

But still the boy had doubts which he wanted to put before the people, and to find his decision of going along with the third angle life was better than the other two decisions.So if you people are in the same position the boy had been, which angle had you gone along wid....Which angle life would have made the boy's life better.To go once again for the FORMER gal, to give again a try for the LATTER gal or just go along with time with the third angle.

post your comments on my attempt to write a STORY kind of thing.......ADIOS

me nd my philos....nd spirituality

2006-10-18T12:44:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking hard for a nice juicy topic from the past many days but finally settled on to this worldly topic on which every person is trying to give his stuff and trying to define in his way.

I think , In general, people would consider this post boring than the past two, but i always like to talk on this kind of stuff, So its me, giving my try.

In my terms, spirituality and philosophy are the two important parameters in evreryone's life to make your thought process better and practical ideal(practical ideal means the solution which is nearly ideal solution but definitely practical).

Recently i was boozing along with my friends and one of my friend said,life is not a game of chance, but life is game of choice.I found this thought quite amazing. I really want to make my life count, and that too in my way. I don’t want to change my life for some crapper.One thing i want to say is don't let yourself to change completely because of somebody, just improvise. This improvization can be possible by introspecting on regular basis.

To me , the element that firstly counts to me in any person is attitude but not character. I think if you have attitude element, the character element is inherent. So trying to work on the attitude element will make your most of the things set right in your life.
Around 3 or 4 years back, i used to wonder and get puzzled for many things. There were many things , i used to hate them that time, and now ,the same things are my life, my passion.. Some of the things i used to wonder were, how can people read 500 or 600 pages of a novel, leaving all other intresting things behind. How can the people read tomes on idealism and spirituality. How can people talk hours and hours on boring spirituality. But to my amusement, these are the same things I am very passionate now. This four years of my engineering didnt gave me any great tag or degree or any great achievement( though provided me employment), but one thing I am really sure is, it improved my thought process a lot. It brought a kind of maturity in my thoughts. There are some of my close buddies, which are also responsible for improvement of my thought process.I cant name them as my ego doesnt allow me to do it(just kiddin, )

To me, spirituality has nothing to do with God....it all deals with making your life better,thought process better,live more lively and doing some good things.Some books which really moved me are The Old Neighbourhood by Avory Korman, Who Will Cry When You Die by Robin Sharma,Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.Iam sure you read one of these books, you gonna learn very much from them, and atleast one of these gonna move you.
I have seen an equation some where, and i truly believe it.

Philosophy + science= religion.

Religion has nothing to with caste and creeds, the sucking bloody barriers, but this term is of mucher higher plane.Learning up from life and thinking reasonably and logically, helping people, being compassionate is the Universal religion.

To me , life is all about freaking at your first half,analyzing and working out your ass for your passion, being compassionate, in the later half.The aftermath of first half of your life will teach you , how to whittle ,score in the second half of your life.

So keep LIVING LIFE,AND STOP ANALYZING........ ...cos there is lot of time left to analyze it,for now JUST LIVE THE LIFE.
adios for now...dont forget to post your comments....

retrospect...review..passions....

2006-09-22T20:47:00.000-07:00

Done with my first blog and i got the reviews of it..the theme of the blog(story) was good, but need to increase my approach towards the reader...any how critics are must, so that to get better on the things i messed upon..

So i will try to be a bit proffesional nd sophisticated in this post.

In this post, i want to tell you about my fanatasies, my weird dreams and passions and my crappy thoughts.

I do have the exact idea ...about how my life should be, but gaining control on my life, with such creepy and wierd passions and dreams would be just like finding the exact value of square root of -1.My policy in life is to taste every bloody thing , be it bad or good, beacause you just have only one life to do all the things, and if all good deeds are done in this life, where is the room for the bad things you havent done.How could you know that its really bad and it should not be done , if you dont do it..

Coming to my dreams, i had the dream of being a cricketer at first(which almost 95% of the people have in their childhood).A bit later got a bit bored of cricket and then thought of being a scientist, around in 9th class(after knowing that nobel laurates are one of the richest people and are given huge amount of money after scoring nobel prize)., but to my fate, iam ending up being an engineer.

Iam a bit into reading, these days ,from nearly one year, kudos to my supersenior sharma, who worked on me ,a lot, to install(haha) the habit of reading in me.The first book i have read was five point someone, and it was a great start to reading . Now i have given my try on non fictional and spiritual stuff and i can bet they are the most amazing stuff on this earth.If a nice pile of non fiction books are given to me and iam left alone anywhere on this earth(even without fairer sex) , i can assure you that i can survive over there. One thing i really like in me is the habit of analyzing people.i love doing this crap though this crap led me to many difficulties.

Iam a movie fantasizer and i love watching good movies, though iam not that much into english movies, but of the english movies i have watched, A beautiful mind of russel crowe moved me the most.I also like french kiss, minority report and bruce almighty.Iam lot into watching bollywood stuff and there are so many movies on the list which inspired me,moved me,titilated me smittened me. major of them are Black, lakshya, Rang de basanthi.. and lots more.

One more thing iam really passionate about is music, without which i cant live.I love listening to english stuff.They really make sense....especially avril lavigne, eminem and lot more crappy people which i think iam too lazy to mention over here.

i like play tennis, cricket and table tennis and these days iam playing football a bit....but i dont like it that much...cos it needs your butt to move continously, which is a very difficult thing for a lazy,infact laziest creature like mee.....

Kartheek in his blog confessed about the fairer sex, and after him confessing about his stuff, iam also gonna confess some things about fairer sex. I had number of crushes in my life from my school up till now., but never got lucky till now.Once got lucky , but i ruined it(Damn me, got lucky once and messed there too).The thing that counts me the most in the fairer sex is ATTITUDE element and to my poor luck, i havent found my attitude girl till now.Praying hardly and heartily to God to find my attitude girl before i end up with some messy girl.(pls God, are you listening).Iam almost done with my engineering now and still dont have any girlfriend(God listen to this, not fair kadha.....so be humble).

One thing i strongly believe is, whenever you are in a big mess,dont panic, cos everything is in your perception.Its in the way you handle it and the way you look at it and in the way you deal with it.

Thats it for this post. Pls post ur comments.i have already thought of the topic of the next post.Writing this kind of stuff is making my soul pure because of confessing all my guilts and shortcomings here.So think God will start fulfilling my weird wishes .(hahaha). C ya.....

mie...first blog....

2006-09-22T19:45:00.000-07:00

hmmmm.......to start telling about me,its a lot of pain in the ass to write all(or atleast some) things about me cos i bet iam one of the laziest creatures on earth and its really difficult to put my bum on the chair nd strt writng my blog.
Coming to me,iam a common guy ,i love to freak a lot,damn bad at my regular college stuff,tht is my academics......scored five point someone once,and kudos to chetan bhagat and his novel "five point someone" ,iam being proud(or atleast not regretting for my bad score) for scoring five point some which i havent scored uptill in my life.
summarizing my life in short would be a bit difficult thing,but i will try to complete this crap regarding me in 2 or 3 blogs.I love breaking rulez.In this blog,iam gonna write abt my first major break though (hahahahaa though breakthrough is not the term to be used here,but i like using it here..).

my schooling happened in Kanpur , Agra nd Delhi,nd i can say Delhi was the best of the three,i had good bunch of friends there and one day..............

We all came to a decision to run away from our respective houses,reason being parents burdening our lives with just bloody homework.I was in 8th class at that time,so we all manipulated sum money from our homes.( i manipulated 2000 bucks from my home).We collected around 15k bucks at total.we were at total 6 members and we were damn proud of us for being free nd independent.

we went to many places ,nainital,mussorie,dehradun and after getting finished up with every single penny we had(around 5th or 6th day.),we were now worried of survival....just like an endangered species worried of their survival,we had to beg money from some person,explaining all the stuff abt us to make him believe tht we r not any theifs or pickpocketers and making him believe tht we belong to decent families.Mean while the things got tensed at our homes, i.e.. our parents association.(tht is our respective parents....in total) were tryin like hell for searching for us and were blaming each other of their son being initiator for a great crap like this.

mean while at dehradun we all managed sum money nd finally called our parents informing tht we have no money and about the place we got struck in.We couldnt understand why were our parents being so humble that time,but we expected something very odd gonna happen to us.We were received by our parents association very gently and when we finally reached our homes,we were white washed.We had a nice feast from our parents for doing such a great accomplishment.

Though these things look a bit immature(i dont considered this thing immature cos i was just in 8th class at tht time nd immature is something which u do hastily without applying thought process, though u know tht it shouldnt be done)This was the first major breakthrough in my life(breaking of a rule) and this kind of things repeated a lot in my life These kind of things really smittens you.I want this kind of things happening regularly in my life cos these r the things u gonna remember wid a smile, for the crap things you did in the past.

Really i wanna be lucky like the IITian chetan bhagat who is scorin a handsome nd lumpsome bucks for writing his thoughts and his life,i actually have a lifetime dream of writin a novel or two and may be iam gonna write it by 30 ,atleast,and hoping to score sum bucks like Chetan.

I like writing this kind of stuff,but the two things tht come in between to devoid me to write are the laziness of me and the critics,cos iam not tht good at writng.
sincere comments are always welcome .ok le...please post ur comments and make me know that do i have any potential of being chetan,cos i dont want to loose money on my first book, that is publishing of my first book as free copies to colleges nd street vendors and the chat vaala for wrapping up their stuff from the pages of my book(hahahaaaaa).I cant bear that.Thats it for this blog, cos its almost long time i have been working hard, writing the blog nd editing it, which is a very difficult thing for a lazy creature like me.

catch u all in my next blog ..chaps.................